Dear Jimmy: Today you are 9 months old

I don't usually do these sorts of posts, but this is my last week of maternity leave and I'm feeling a bit emotional about going back to work and leaving Jimmy with someone who isn't me.

Dear Jimmy,

Today you are nine months old. You have now been on the outside longer than you were on the inside (by four days!). This photo was taken a few hours before you were born. I was 38+3 days pregnant and complaining about how uncomfortable I was at the most pregnant I had ever been. I'd tried a lot to encourage you to arrive, but you had your own schedule in mind.

You are standing now, and trying to walk by pushing things around the house. Ellie walked the week before her first birthday - I predict you will do it sooner. You babble constantly, although you have yet to say any recognisable words.

You are sleeping better (by your standards) and you're pretty consistent with timings now: in bed by 7pm, awake for a nurse around 11pm and 2am. You wake up with a roar at 5am and refuse to go back to sleep even though 5am is cold and dark. As soon as daddy picks you up and puts you in bed with me, you crawl over and raspberry my face. It's extremely cute if I overlook the fact that I wake up covered in your slobber. You often try to eat my face. I tell myself this is you learning to kiss me.

Your big sister adores you, and I know you adore her too, because when she comes near you, your eyes follow her around the room. You are the perfect pair - she is my picky eating child, and you devour what she will not. She loves nothing better than to shower you with kisses (and yes, occasionally she sits on you, but you don't seem to mind that too much).

You have two teeth now; you still think you can eat anything and usually you do. Your favourite things to eat are pear, banana, broccoli, avocado and biscuits. You might well turn out to be my vegetarian child after all! Of course, you are still an absolute breastmilk monster, which completely thrills me after all our troubles to establish nursing. Since you refuse to take a bottle or a cup, I will be pumping at work and asking your carers to stir it into your food while I can't be there with you.

You are so smiley. You love anything that makes music. You can't stand to be too far away from me so I have become accustomed to cooking while you systematically pull everything out of the cupboard I have allocated to you. You are still happiest when you are touching me and I am happy to oblige by wearing you often. I don't know how I will cope while I am at work and no longer the absolute centre of your universe.

In the nine months you have been with me, I have forgotten that I am a separate person to you, just as you will soon have to learn that you are a separate person from me.

The past nine months have been some of the hardest, and most sleep deprived of my life. Although sometimes your daddy gets demonstrably cross when you won't go to sleep, we both love you anyway. Thank you for choosing me to be your mama.

All my love,
mama

Surviving life with a newborn

I'm not even going to sugarcoat it - life with a newborn is hard! There are emotional swings from low to high and back again. You run on little to no sleep. Better still, if you have other children, they don't understand that you're tired and they still want the same amount of attention. Same with the husband because he gets to sleep through while you're up breastfeeding so wakes up fresh as a daisy. It's exhausting, repetitive, and honestly, under appreciated by everyone except your baby. Luckily, I've pulled together a list of survival tips that help me get through!

1. Have a support network. Whether this is other mums, Facebook groups, a friend on speed dial, your partner... whoever. Have a network in place so you have somewhere to vent, chat, ask advice, and get some social interaction.

I tell you, having a friend who has also recently had a baby to chat to has saved my sanity! Even better if some of that support is online so you can scroll/read/chat while you're up overnight feeding and settling the baby.

Night time feeds and settling go faster with a phone in hand for selfies and support!

2. Prepare meals and snacks in advance. I'm not just talking about for outings here, but I'm talking about for the times when everyone is the house is bone-deep tired. Or when the spouse has gone back to work and there is no one to whip up something to eat while you're trapped under a hungry babe. You can rummage around in the fridge or freezer and unearth something relatively healthy and nutritious without having to resort to the takeaway pizza option again.

3. If people offer to help out, let them. Honestly. There is no shame in that - you have a newborn, you are allowed to have a messy house, accumulated laundry and an empty pantry. But if someone genuinely offers a hand, take it without guilt - and be specific, for example:

 "It would be great if you could bring me a loaf of bread and some milk on your way over. Oh ok, and a Malteaser Reindeer as well, thanks."

 "Would you mind holding and distracting the baby while I nap for 15 minutes."

 "Yes I'd love some of your delicious home made cookies since you're kindly offering."

 "You made me mushroom risotto? You shouldn't have! But I'm glad you did... now excuse me while I start eating it already..."

4. Distract the toddler. My toddler has the best of helpful intentions but sometimes things go awry. I don't want to keep her from her baby brother but she needs to learn to stop waking him, or trying to share her bottle of milk while I'm feeding him. Distraction is key here. I ask her to read me a story. To fetch something for me. Whether she would like me to scratch her back or give her a cuddle. To make me a (pretend) cup of tea. She is happy and attended to, I get a few minutes of respite. If all else fails, I send her and Mr Fork off on a daddy/daughter outing. This obviously does not suffice when he is back at work and I'm on my own though...

5. Connect with your partner. I totally get touched out on a daily basis. I have Jimmy on me all the time, and Ellie attached for a good part of each day and night too. I realise though, that poor Mr Fork needs attention also so I make a mammoth effort to snuggle with him, to chat about topics that aren't the children and to generally let him know that I appreciate all he does to help me. Even if he does get to peacefully snore while I'm up hourly with Jim each night... I acknowledge that he does bring me coffee and breakfast in bed, and he distracts Ellie so Jimmy sleeps peacefully while I get to eat it.

6. Take time for yourself. It's been hot in Brisbane lately. So hot. Jimmy is constantly snacking and cluster feeding, so there is definitely sweat, stale milk smell and a general feeling that I'm over having a babe attached at the end of each day. So when Mr Fork takes pity on me and pries James from my chest you better believe I bolt for the shower and lock the door before Ellie can follow. I leisurely wash my hair, scrub my face, shave my legs and because I'm a mum I scrub the shower too. It is seriously the best 5 touch free minutes of my life, and I emerge human, re-energised and enthusiastic once again, and ready to be reattached to the infant. Do something like that. Make a hot chocolate. Have tea. Go outside and walk around barefoot in the garden... just escape for a few minutes and take some me-time when the opportunity presents itself.

7. Babywear. Seriously. Sometimes, I just can't figure out what Jimmy wants. He is fed. His nappy is changed. He's been burped, he is not tired, but he just won't settle. Baby wearing to the rescue. He is just about 3 weeks old now and perfectly happy in both the ring sling and a wrap, as long as he is wrapped on mama.

Sakura bloom twilight ring sling gets the shopping done

I also think that it helps with his digestion (I mentioned his lip/tongue tie previously, well it makes him a little gassy and uncomfortable after a feed). In fact, in the interest of sharing, here's a picture of how I am writing this blog post, with Jimmy happily wrapped against me. He gets to snuggle, I get to move away from my room and get things done around the house. Win, win!

Didymos Inka in FWCC gets the blog post written

What are your tips for surviving life with a new born?

Shan't, Won't, Cant

I can't...Wear fringes (I just don't have enough hair and it gets too greasy). Sleep when someone else is snoring. Sleep in (yeah, it sucks when someone has been snoring all night). Refrain from putting in my 2c.

I can...
Ride a motorcycle. Write my name in Chinese. Check my email and Facebook way more than they need to be checked. Make a mean apple crumble. Sew and mend basic items. Grow my own food.

I won't
Take crap from people anymore. Watch a favourite musical without singing. Apologise for previously mentioned singing. Be embarrassed for having a small crush on Edward Cullen. Let being tired stop me from having family time.

Just look at those eye bags!

I will...
Let myself be heard when I think it's important enough. Spend too much money on shoes. Cry when I'm frustrated, angry, emotional, sleep deprived and sometimes even when I don't get my own way. Squeak like a mouse on my own behalf but you better believe I'm a tiger when it comes to my family!

I shouldn't...
Feel guilty for eating so much pizza. Eat so much junk food. Look back on lost opportunities as much as I do. Shop online. Send emails without stopping to think first.

I should...
Make more time for me. Like myself naked. Write more. Better control my temper and tongue. Learn to make my own refried beans. Make more of an effort with family sometimes.

What are some of your can/will/shoulds?

Mother's Day - high tea and other celebrations

Ellie and I were lucky enough to be invited by the Mater Mothers' to high tea for an early mother's day celebration on Friday. There were 160 mums (plus bubs/toddlers) there and it was really well organised to cater for everyone... seriously, they even had a pram valet - although we had our trusty ring sling with us anyway.

Honestly, there's a lot to be said for high tea (oh I wish you read this Mr Fork!). Dainty cups and saucers, stands of delicious savouries and sweets and I just need to single out cupcakes. How great are cupcakes?! Not to mention muffins, scones, macaroons, slices... and do I even need to mention the jugs of milk and white hot chocolate on the table? So spoilt.

Look at the yummy sweet stand

It was a lovely event, with plenty of yumminess, great entertainment, roving photographers, a photo booth and even some fabulous prizes. 

Ellie was made more than welcome with toddler-friendly activities - apart from socialising with the other children, there was colouring in and children friendly treats on each table (we were gifted a Mater Little Miracles stuffed toy and some body balm). There was plenty of snuggles to be had too which was super lovely for me on our girls' morning out!

Although she looks unimpressed, she had a great time

It was a really fun event, and a great push for me to get out of my social rut and meet some new people. I was talking to the1337mum about how I was apprehensive about going and shy when approaching other mothers but she assured me it was no problem - you just become friends with the mother of the child your kid picks. She was right! I also ran into an old friend there which was a lovely surprise as well, and great to catch up.

Stealing kisses

It was a great start to Mother's Day weekend for me... we've been busy since, spending time with Mr Fork's mother, and then this morning, Ellie and Mr Fork treated me to breakfast out at one of my favourite cafes. Ellie also made me a keepsake box at daycare, with the most hilarious card. I'm such a lucky mama!

Happy mother's day!

Happy mothers day to all the mamas I know, whether your baby is grown, still growing, furry, angel or otherwise. I hope you're all having a fabulous day and you are being spoilt with snuggles and lots of love.