Today, you turn one

Jimmy, today you are one. Well, technically, tonight you will be one, but we can celebrate now.

It's been a crazy year.

I can count on one hand the number of times you have slept through the night. And I mean that in the traditional "a sleep through for a baby is anything longer than 5 hours" logic. Since I also had chronic insomnia at the end of my pregnancy, do you know what that means little man? It means that I haven't had a decent night sleep in over a year. That's a long time sweetheart. Any time you want to sleep a little longer, I'm all for it. I'm sure your daddy can attest that I'm not my best (nor is he) without good sleep!

You still aren't walking, but you're really close. You will take the occasional independent step, but you don't trust your legs to fight against gravity yet. That's ok. There will be plenty of time to run later.

You love food. As in, you get a serious case of "hangry" if I don't get something edible in front of you pronto. And forget feeding you, you are all about doing it yourself. You have nearly brained the ever hopeful hounds multiple times throwing your bowl/spoon/fork/cup as they mill hopefully under your chair for the inevitable scraps. Your favourite foods at the moment are blueberries, edamame, watermelon, fruity sourdough, pasta, and stolen licks of frozen iceblocks. It's amazing really considering you still only have two teeth (and about 8 more all reallllly close to cutting through, Mr Grumpy!). Oh, and you love your milk. Lots of milk!

Your favourite place to be is with mama. As soon as I walk into a room, your eyes fix on me. If I'm not speedy coming to greet you, you wail and crawl on over to throw yourself at me. As though I had forgotten you or something (like I could!). You need to be constantly touched; you're a real limpet baby. It's ok, you're only this little for such a short while, I love the snuggles. Mostly. I'm a little over the fact that no matter how many soft silky things I offer, your favourite comfort item is my hair. No style is Jimmy-proof and my ends suffer for it. Lucky for baby wearing, otherwise your poor sister would never get any attention.

Speaking of hair, yours is so fine and light that there isn't enough volume or weight to hold it down so it just grows vertically. I love it, even if your one majestically long hair has now been absorbed into all the others. Your grandparents want to shave your head (as they wanted to do at your red egg celebration) to encourage it to grow back thicker and darker. We aren't talking a buzz cut here but really shave, down to the skull with a razor. I don't know how that would happen as you're so wriggly, but I have said we can have that discussion after your birthday, however, (not so secretly) I hope the idea falls by the wayside.

You aren't speaking much yet, but you understand a lot, I can tell. In fact, you respond to both Cantonese and English, and you're already more fluent than your mama you clever boy!

I had real problems thinking of what to get your for your first birthday. You don't want for things, and your sister is so good at sharing her toys with you. Your favourite thing to play with at the moment is an old birthday card of mine. It's one that plays sounds when opened (sheep noises) and you spend ages opening and shutting it and baaaa-ing right back at those sheep.

You're growing up to be such a lovely little human full of personality and fierce determination to get what you want. It's been a lovely (sleep deprived) year.

Love, mama 

Servicing the car

Yesterday I had to take the car in for it's scheduled service. Luckily for me, they're close by. Unluckily, they didn't have a way to transport me, Ellie and Jimmy home in the courtesy bus since we needed two car seats, nor did they have someone free who could drive us home in our car then take it back with them.

When I say close by, my Fitbit tells me it was 1.5km. Which isn't really that much... when you're an adult and can walk at your own pace. However, when you are also trying to get the toddler who walks at a snail's pace and the baby who doesn't walk yet home too, the task becomes somewhat more difficult. Cue babywearing for the win!

Both my children have hated the stroller and refused to sit placidly in it. They scream blue murder if I try to put them into it, so, I suppose that gives me a good excuse to buy all the wraps! I packed two to take with me, just in case I'd have to carry them both home. Luckily, I didn't though, as both of them together currently weigh about half of what I do! Ellie was happy enough to walk alongside me and, bless her, stop to look at and comment on every little thing of interest we passed on the way home. Here is a sample of all the "beautiful flowers mama!" (weeds) she asked me to photograph for her...

Jimmy was wrapped cozily onto me, and when he got tired of looking around and chewing my sunglasses, dozed off against me. Is there anything sweeter than a snoring baby and a walk in the sun with a toddler who thinks everything is amazing?

No.

Thank you, babywearing. By the way, for those interested, the wrap I'm wearing here is a Didymos Inka, 100% cotton. It's lovely and floppy now and the size 4 is perfect for me to do front carries and if I wrap precisely, a double hammock or ruck on my back.

On the flip side, how awesome would it be if services could be a little flexible and help out mothers a little instead of sticking rigidly to company guidelines!?

Do you babywear? What has it helped you get done lately?

Dear Jimmy: Today you are 9 months old

I don't usually do these sorts of posts, but this is my last week of maternity leave and I'm feeling a bit emotional about going back to work and leaving Jimmy with someone who isn't me.

Dear Jimmy,

Today you are nine months old. You have now been on the outside longer than you were on the inside (by four days!). This photo was taken a few hours before you were born. I was 38+3 days pregnant and complaining about how uncomfortable I was at the most pregnant I had ever been. I'd tried a lot to encourage you to arrive, but you had your own schedule in mind.

You are standing now, and trying to walk by pushing things around the house. Ellie walked the week before her first birthday - I predict you will do it sooner. You babble constantly, although you have yet to say any recognisable words.

You are sleeping better (by your standards) and you're pretty consistent with timings now: in bed by 7pm, awake for a nurse around 11pm and 2am. You wake up with a roar at 5am and refuse to go back to sleep even though 5am is cold and dark. As soon as daddy picks you up and puts you in bed with me, you crawl over and raspberry my face. It's extremely cute if I overlook the fact that I wake up covered in your slobber. You often try to eat my face. I tell myself this is you learning to kiss me.

Your big sister adores you, and I know you adore her too, because when she comes near you, your eyes follow her around the room. You are the perfect pair - she is my picky eating child, and you devour what she will not. She loves nothing better than to shower you with kisses (and yes, occasionally she sits on you, but you don't seem to mind that too much).

You have two teeth now; you still think you can eat anything and usually you do. Your favourite things to eat are pear, banana, broccoli, avocado and biscuits. You might well turn out to be my vegetarian child after all! Of course, you are still an absolute breastmilk monster, which completely thrills me after all our troubles to establish nursing. Since you refuse to take a bottle or a cup, I will be pumping at work and asking your carers to stir it into your food while I can't be there with you.

You are so smiley. You love anything that makes music. You can't stand to be too far away from me so I have become accustomed to cooking while you systematically pull everything out of the cupboard I have allocated to you. You are still happiest when you are touching me and I am happy to oblige by wearing you often. I don't know how I will cope while I am at work and no longer the absolute centre of your universe.

In the nine months you have been with me, I have forgotten that I am a separate person to you, just as you will soon have to learn that you are a separate person from me.

The past nine months have been some of the hardest, and most sleep deprived of my life. Although sometimes your daddy gets demonstrably cross when you won't go to sleep, we both love you anyway. Thank you for choosing me to be your mama.

All my love,
mama

Baby massage: our experience

I have mentioned before that Jimmy is not an easy baby. Prior to correction of his tongue and lip ties, he would wake around the clock every 1.5 to 2 hours. He also had digestive issues and was quite gassy and uncomfortable. After correction, he still wakes quite often, but thankfully not as much as before. I would call it a good night if I only had to get up to him twice, but it could be as many as six times some nights. I could probably count on one hand the times that he has slept through the night since birth (I count a sleep through as five hours), and he is just over eight months old now.

He has always been a difficult baby compared to Ellie. She was calm and would melt against you, and was quite happy to sleep alone, for decent stretches of time. Not my little man. He is quite a tense baby, and I find it very hard to help him soothe and settle on his own. This is why I do wear him a lot, but it's becoming a concern for me as I will go back to work soon, and I would love for him to be more relaxed without relying on me quite so much.

I've heard lots of good things about infant massage, so when Deb from Maternal Touch Baby and Kids Massage told me about her upcoming massage for digestive relief course, I was very interested.

The one hour class with Deb was a great bonding experience for Jimmy and I. Deb was enthusiastic, supportive and understanding. She explained the reasons for each part of the massage and demonstrated the techniques with patience and obvious knowledge. When Jimmy was distracted or wanted to feed, Deb encouraged me to attend to him and reassured me that it was not a problem. I learned ways that I could calm my baby when he was uncomfortable, and also a few relaxation techniques as well. At all times, Deb was really respectful of Jimmy and making sure he was comfortable with what we were doing.

After the course, Jimmy was so relaxed that he transferred beautifully from the car to the cot and then proceeded to nap for three hours. This is absolutely unheard of for him - I'd usually be lucky to get a transfer from the car and when sleeping, a single sleep cycle, maybe two if I got to his room in time to settle him before he fully woke.

zzzzzz

That night, he went to sleep at 7pm as he has done his entire life. He did wake briefly at 9pm but settled quickly and then... he slept through until 5am when I desperately had to wake him for a feed. This was the first time ever that this has happened. It was like a miracle, as for the first time since he was born, I got to sleep for longer than a three hour stretch. I felt like a well rested, new woman.

Since then, I have been doing the digestive and relaxation massage techniques daily. I've had some glorious nights of sleep, and some not so good nights too, but to be fair, Jimmy has also cut his first tooth, so some discomfort and waking is totally expected. He's a baby, and I do admit to generally loving our night time snuggles as well, even if he is so very cheeky during the day!

Baby massage is a fascinating aspect of infant health, and research has shown that it can help to:

• reduce baby's crying time
• assist sleep, sleep patterns, settling and soothing abilities
• improve wind, reflux and constipation
• reduce stress hormones in children and their parents
• enhance physical and motor skills

I'm so glad that I tried it out and I am loving the bonding time with Jimmy. Ellie has even been asking me to do it for her too, and of course I'm happy to oblige. I'd always touched and massaged my children but it was very good to learn some formal techniques and of course, I was over the moon with Jimmy's immediate results!

*Disclaimer: I attended the course as a guest of Maternal Touch Baby and Kids Massage, however I was not obliged to write this review and all opinions are my own.

This and that

Hello dear readers. I've been a bit quiet for the past week or so - there's been a fair bit on my plate lately.

Two weeks ago I took Jimmy and Ellie to see Playschool. It was a drizzly day and the parking situation was horrendous, so I had to park a fair way away. As we were trudging to the auditorium, Ellie tripped at my feet. Rather than trip over her and land on top of Jimmy who I was carrying, I sacrificed my ankle instead. It was a rather wicked sprain, but there is no way I could explain to an excited toddler that we would need to turn around and go home, so I gritted my teeth, sat through the production with a swelling ankle, then hobbled home for restorative icing, elevation and bandaging. I'm still hobbling around a little, but the swelling is much reduced and definitely less painful. I know that it's taking a long time to heal, but really, when I have to run around after an energetic toddler and a crawling infant, there isn't a lot of time to rest and recuperate.

Meanwhile, Jimmy came out in spots. He had spots everywhere, from his trunk all the way down to his toes. I was a bit confused about whether it was hand, foot and mouth or whether it was chicken pox as he had symptoms of both. We hustled to the doctor (just an aside, but WHY do my children always get sick on days that I have to take both with me to the doctor?), who hesitantly called chicken pox. I know that there is no treatment for either HFM or the pox except time, but it was good to have a diagnosis anyway. I'm not sure where he caught it from, but I suspect daycare as Ellie's friends love to greet him at pickup/dropoff time with snotty kisses, and he's still too young to have had a chicken pox vaccination. Apparently it's quite unlucky these days for a baby to get chicken pox... go Jimmy, beating the odds!

He's been completely miserable, so we've been doing a lot of baby wearing. My days looked a lot like this...

... swaying and rocking him to sleep wrapped against my chest. Which, if I'm honest, has always been one of our happy places to be.

What I actually suspect now, is that Jimmy had HFM, which has been doing it's usual rounds at Ellie's daycare, and then while his immunity was low, he caught chicken pox, which is when I took him to the doctor. How do I know this? Because I got HFM. Thank you SO MUCH daycare and Jimmy. Sharing the love, sharing the love, right? HFM is usually a children's virus, but I know quite a few of my parent friends who have also caught it.

So I've been pretty miserable too, as we've both had to be in quarantine at home. Here's another picture of how we spent our days once I got sick too. Here, I'm a bit flushed from getting him up there, and he's still a bit glassy eyed, but we both feel better touching each other. 

HFM is a seriously revolting virus as an adult. I won't post a picture as that's just icky, but there are lots of mouth ulcers, making it hard to eat/talk/swallow because your tongue swells and everything hurts. Little pinprick sized blisters all over your hands and feet make it a bit painful to walk or even be immersed in water, so showering/bathing/doing the dishes is agony. Despite that, I'm told I got a mild dose.

I tell you, we all better be building some serious immunity here!!  I'm super grateful that, excepting Jimmy, we have all either had chicken pox or been vaccinated, so that didn't spread any further. Also, Ellie has had HFM and didn't show any signs of further virus contamination, so I've been able to send her to daycare for a 'break' while I cared for Jimmy and myself. Mr Fork remained disgustingly healthy.

Despite all that, we are all on the mend here. I look forward to being able to get out of the house, to typing on a keyboard, and to baking properly again... I've been afraid to bake bread or do anything with kneading or hand mixing while my hands were gross. Consequently, we've been eating a lot of peanut butter sandwiches around here, which I am getting a mite tired of...

I do have one more thing to share. Ellie drew me this picture to make me feel better. It's one of her first recognisable drawings. That giant head on the left is me. On the right, under all that hair, is her. She tells me we are holding hands. I won't lie, I maybe choked up and got a little teary when she handed it to me. It's worth getting sick and investing so much time and energy and love into my small people for moments like these.

Whew! That feels better. I feel all caught up now. Tell me, how has your week been?

Taking time out

I took part in the Sustainababy "Take Time Out" eco challenge during January to be mindful about taking time out for myself. Before children, I used to think that I was much too selfish to be a mother. Give up travel? Work? Buying expensive things - shoes, clothes, gadgets - on a whim? Please! However, even before I felt those first Ellie kicks in my tummy I was dropped right down my priority list. When Jimmy was born, I dropped down again. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for my babies.

I gladly switched to part time work (no work right now as I'm still on maternity leave, ha!) to care for my children and family. I use cloth nappies with all the washing, folding and sorting that involves. I meal plan, cook, clean, and also manage to blog, all the while making sure my children are stimulated and adored. To make up for my reduced work hours and therefore income, I'm frugal and eco friendly where possible too.

Unfortunately, all that doing of things for them leaves precious little time for me. So this challenge was one that I gladly got on board with, eager to carve out some small pockets of time just to prioritise and focus on me and my 'needs'. I say needs in inverted commas because the older I get, the less I find I need, and really, I just have a lot of wants.

Carving out time alone though, I found especially hard to do, as Jimmy still feeds erratically after his tie revisions, and flat out refuses to take a bottle of my milk, so I had to plan quite precisely.

Here are some of the small things I did this month to take some time out and recharge my batteries.

• When the children went to bed and the house was clean enough for me not to go crazy in the morning, I went to bed too and got some extra sleep in before the overnight feeds. Sure, I felt like a nana going to bed at 7pm, but I woke up a new woman and coped much better with the night time wake ups.

• I consciously made an effort to make some tea during the day and actually take the time to sit down and drink it while it was hot! For extra points, I made it in a dainty little cup to make it extra special. Sometimes I even ate it with a lactation cookie on the side. I'm a wild one!

• A few times, after a long night up feeding the nursing, I just couldn't face the day and all I was 'supposed' to get done. So I popped him into a wrap and promptly took us out for a piece of pecan pie (or something). Suddenly, all was right in the world again. Example of deliciousness consumed below.

• I went to brunch with my mothers group. This was an exercise in military precision to line up with Jimmy's feeds and I actually had him on the boob right up until I left the house so he would be cheerful while I was out. It was worth it, a ladies brunch was exactly what I needed to recharge my batteries. 

• Baked bread. Sure, this benefits everyone, but there is nothing like taking a bit of time to feed the starter and take a bit of frustration out when working the dough... with the added benefit of delicious fresh bread smell wafting around the house!

• I gave myself permission to take a 'day off'. So I didn't hustle to do laundry or clean or cook. I just stayed in bed with Jimmy and indulged in chatting to him and admiring those lovely chunky limbs of his!

How do you take time out for yourself to recharge your batteries?

Three things Thursday

I do love a short week. Of course, it could be argued that as I don't 'work' per se, public holidays don't mean the same thing. This is true, but a public holiday is still an extra day that Mr Fork has at home with us, and that's always fun!

1. Mr Fork and I had thought about going on a mini break somewhere over the Australia Day long weekend, but we left it a bit late to book, so that's an activity for another time now. Instead, we spent some time at home, some time out and about and even indulged in the well known Australian tradition of running through the sprinkler in the backyard. Jimmy is still too little to enjoy such things, so he alternately ate and slept in the wrap, but Ellie had a ball. Hooray for water!

2. I made some time to tend to the garden, so I have lots of things growing now. I've tidied and weeded, and in one of the garden beds there are snow peas, lettuce, coriander and parsley all newly planted. I can't wait for them to be harvestable size!

3. There is a turn of phrase out there known as 'ninja vegan' where something is unexpectedly vegan that you wouldn't expect to be. For example, Aldi has fruit and jelly cups that contain no gelatine and are actually vegan. Ninja vegan for the win! Another ninja vegan item is the churros from San Churro, as is their dark chocolate dipping sauce. We went there over the long weekend as it was hot, and they had air conditioning (and I like churros).

Mr Fork and I get the plate for two with one milk and one dark dipping pot and it's a match made in heaven. There aren't a lot of meals we agree to share but this is one (yes, churros are a meal!).

Ellie was won over by the children's churros, which came with dipping chocolate and sprinkles!

How is your week going?

Our Australia Day weekend in pictures

So what did you get up to on the Australia day weekend? With a toddler and a nursling in the house, we were never going to get up to anything crazy, but we had a lovely weekend at home. There were family outings, plenty of play, some treats, some chores and house stuff and just plain old relaxing done.

Here are some of our highlights:

1. When was the last time you saw petrol this cheap? I remember when I got my first car I refused to fill up if it was anything over 70c/L. How times have changed!
2. Oh the perils of being the second child and inheriting things regardless of gender suitability. It takes a manly man to rock out a pink hat! I know it's not obvious from the picture either, but baby wearing for the win! This is how you run after a toddler with a baby as well!
3. Churros. Oh churros how I love thee! We went to out local San Churros because I had a craving and it's air conditioned there. Pro tip - if you get the dark chocolate dipping sauce, it is NINJA VEGAN! Oh yeah!! Churros minus egg and dairy and no stomach ache after? Woohoo!!!!
4. Nothing like chilling out on the verandah with some snacks in your swimsuit and the Triple J hottest 100 playing in the background, right! It's an Australia Day tradition to run through the sprinkler in the backyard...
5. Park time! I remember when I used to have to lift her onto all the equipment. Now it's "I do it self mama!"
6. Eggplant bounty! I replanted a bunch of things, planted out new seedlings and harvested all the things that needed harvesting. This batch was turned into a lasagne and some was baked for freezing until I think of what to do with it all.

What did your long weekend look like?

Three things Thursday

In an effort to put a bit more regularity to my blog posts, I'm going to attempt to commit (as much as one can with two small children) to posting more often this year. I'm one of those people who responds quite well if I have a goal to work towards and a deadline to hit. Consequently, to hold me to account, I'm starting a new thing, three things Thursday, where I will talk about three things (oh I know, so unexpected!). Ha!

1. This week, Jimmy reached a new milestone. For the first time in his ten weeks of life, he slept for a period of six hours. SIX HOURS IS PRACTICALLY OVERNIGHT! And yes that needed to be in all capitals and bold. I felt like a new woman. My boobs felt like they were melons about to explode.
2. I want to know how I got lucky enough to get a baby who will only day nap for a decent period when he is on me. I honestly don't remember if Ellie was like this, and if she was, when did she start being able to sleep on her own? Some days I am just so touched out. Thank goodness for baby wearing... but... touched. Out.
3. How good is pecan pie? Seriously, it is amazing. Look at that piece I ate because um... Jimmy wanted it (and so did I). Does anyone have a fabulous pecan pie recipe to share? Or heck, while I'm reaching, does anyone just want to bake me pie? 

How is your week going?

Let's talk tongue and lip tie

Fair warning. This post is about breastfeeding. I talk about my nipples. There are pictures of my crying child because that's how I could best photograph his tongue. If that's not your thing, feel free not to read this post and maybe read about my kitchen instead :)

I've mentioned that with parenting the second time around, you just know when things aren't right. So I just knew that feeding little Jimmy wasn't going right. Sure, he was gaining weight. In fact, one month post birth he was over a kilogram heavier than birth weight. That's great! Not so great however, was convincing people that something wasn't right, because they all pointed out he was putting on weight and having the appropriate number of nappy changes.

Still... feeding took forever. He slept poorly, waking on a 1.5-2 hour cycle, around the clock. He was constantly gassy, and dribbling milk. My poor nipples were sore and bruised and little Jimmy's mouth was one big blister from gripping onto me for dear life. I'd had his mouth checked at the hospital before discharge and was told he looked fine and his latch seemed good if a little shallow. I never seemed to be able to get him to flange his lips or open as wide as I thought he should to latch on. When he cried, his little tongue would cup up and not poke out much at all.

At two weeks, I reached out to our community health feeding clinic, who watched a feed and told me I was doing everything right from a mechanical perspective. Of all the people I'd seen and asked about feeding, this lactation consultant was the only person who felt around in Jimmy's mouth and diagnosed him with a posterior tongue tie, which was also confirmed at my home midwife visit when I asked her. However I was advised that since he was gaining well, it likely didn't need treatment, and my sore nipples were normal newborn feeding side effects.

I'd never heard of tongue tie before to be honest. I googled the heck out of it, and joined support groups online. It made me feel better to know there were other people going through what I was going through - the sleepless nights, the painful nursing, all while hearing there was no problem "because baby is gaining weight"!

Captured! A sleeping moment

For me though, the pain was awful. My nipples would come out misshapen and I'd dread the next feed. I found a local dentist who was passionate about tongue tie and specialised in laser tongue-tie surgery. I scheduled a consultation and treatment as soon as possible - Jimmy would be five weeks old before we could be seen. Knowing I had that appointment kept me sane... ticking off the days until I could get help meant I was able to get through all those feeds.

The day of the appointment arrived and I have never felt such relief. Someone listened to me and sympathised with all my symptoms. Jimmy was diagnosed with a class IV tongue tie and a class III lip tie, which commonly occur together. Releasing the ties would help our nursing relationship, and further, would decrease the likelihood of future issues such as speech and eating problems, cavities and orthodontic work which are common disorders associated with tongue tie.

Jimmy was taken away and we were asked to step outside so that we didn't hear his reaction to the treatment and I could nurse him calmly afterwards (infants who are breastfeeding are typically revised without anaesthesia). I'm told he was swaddled and held tightly while the dentist used the laser, and that my Jimmy didn't cry at all. All up it took maybe five minutes maximum, and then I was taken to a quiet room, Jimmy was placed in my arms and we breastfed under the direction of the dentist (herself a mum and strong breastfeeding advocate) and a lactation consultant.

Before and after - look how high that tongue goes and how far the mouth opens now!

That first feed... what can I say. I'd always been told that breastfeeding was painless and pleasant. Although I fed Ellie for nine months, I can honestly say it was never completely pain free, but I grew to enjoy it. With Jimmy, I finally got what everyone meant. He latched beautifully, he drained my breast and I fed him without pain. And then... miracle... he slept, for three hours. And that night, he slept in three hour cycles, which meant, for the first time in FIVE weeks... so did I. Do you hear that? I slept longer than an hour. I felt like a new woman.

One week post procedure, it's still rough I'll be honest. We do some manual therapy to complement the release, because Jimmy needs to relearn how to use his mouth and nurse 'correctly' as opposed to coasting along off my let down and gripping me with his gums. We've been given exercises to do to improve his suck and help him develop muscles that he hadn't been using before. Essentially he is re-wiring his brain and learning new ways to control this extra movement he suddenly has, which is pretty amazing really.

Doing the stretches to make sure his ties don't reattach is heartbreaking. Constantly correcting his latch is frustrating, and knowing he is in pain is awful. We are getting there though. We still have bad feeds, but we also have good feeds as well. Just like we have good sleeps and bad ones where he is back to his 1.5 hour cycle. He is gradually starting to sleep longer though (hallelujah!) and he is much less windy because he is latching better and therefore swallowing less air. My nipples still get sore and he still has nursing blisters, but I'm confident that will improve as his muscle tone and mouth strength improve, especially as we continue with the physiotherapy and work with a lactation consultant.

It's hard having a growth-spurt, post surgery cranky baby and a highly energetic and attention hungry toddler, but this is where baby wearing comes in handy. I do adore snuggles and the little snores that happen when he falls asleep against my chest.

Snuggles for the win!

Tongue tie is a contentious issue I've found. Some medical providers don't believe they affect feeding. Some believe if you came poke out your tongue (Jimmy could) there is no issue, failing to consider a posterior, sub mucosal tie might be present. These sorts of ties can only be felt with a manual examination and often cause many feeding problems initially as the tongue doesn't reach the roof of the mouth for efficient drainage. They can be hard to diagnose as some babies continue to gain weight coasting along off initial good supply and strong let downs. Apparently, with the increase in formula feeding, lots of medical people stopped learning about tongue ties, but now that breastfeeding is increasing, a lot more ties are needing attention - after all, a bottle doesn't complain of pain.

I don't blame the medical people I saw at all, but what I did learn from this experience is to trust your instincts... if you don't get the answers you need, continue to seek help because no one knows your baby like you do.

Surviving life with a newborn

I'm not even going to sugarcoat it - life with a newborn is hard! There are emotional swings from low to high and back again. You run on little to no sleep. Better still, if you have other children, they don't understand that you're tired and they still want the same amount of attention. Same with the husband because he gets to sleep through while you're up breastfeeding so wakes up fresh as a daisy. It's exhausting, repetitive, and honestly, under appreciated by everyone except your baby. Luckily, I've pulled together a list of survival tips that help me get through!

1. Have a support network. Whether this is other mums, Facebook groups, a friend on speed dial, your partner... whoever. Have a network in place so you have somewhere to vent, chat, ask advice, and get some social interaction.

I tell you, having a friend who has also recently had a baby to chat to has saved my sanity! Even better if some of that support is online so you can scroll/read/chat while you're up overnight feeding and settling the baby.

Night time feeds and settling go faster with a phone in hand for selfies and support!

2. Prepare meals and snacks in advance. I'm not just talking about for outings here, but I'm talking about for the times when everyone is the house is bone-deep tired. Or when the spouse has gone back to work and there is no one to whip up something to eat while you're trapped under a hungry babe. You can rummage around in the fridge or freezer and unearth something relatively healthy and nutritious without having to resort to the takeaway pizza option again.

3. If people offer to help out, let them. Honestly. There is no shame in that - you have a newborn, you are allowed to have a messy house, accumulated laundry and an empty pantry. But if someone genuinely offers a hand, take it without guilt - and be specific, for example:

 "It would be great if you could bring me a loaf of bread and some milk on your way over. Oh ok, and a Malteaser Reindeer as well, thanks."

 "Would you mind holding and distracting the baby while I nap for 15 minutes."

 "Yes I'd love some of your delicious home made cookies since you're kindly offering."

 "You made me mushroom risotto? You shouldn't have! But I'm glad you did... now excuse me while I start eating it already..."

4. Distract the toddler. My toddler has the best of helpful intentions but sometimes things go awry. I don't want to keep her from her baby brother but she needs to learn to stop waking him, or trying to share her bottle of milk while I'm feeding him. Distraction is key here. I ask her to read me a story. To fetch something for me. Whether she would like me to scratch her back or give her a cuddle. To make me a (pretend) cup of tea. She is happy and attended to, I get a few minutes of respite. If all else fails, I send her and Mr Fork off on a daddy/daughter outing. This obviously does not suffice when he is back at work and I'm on my own though...

5. Connect with your partner. I totally get touched out on a daily basis. I have Jimmy on me all the time, and Ellie attached for a good part of each day and night too. I realise though, that poor Mr Fork needs attention also so I make a mammoth effort to snuggle with him, to chat about topics that aren't the children and to generally let him know that I appreciate all he does to help me. Even if he does get to peacefully snore while I'm up hourly with Jim each night... I acknowledge that he does bring me coffee and breakfast in bed, and he distracts Ellie so Jimmy sleeps peacefully while I get to eat it.

6. Take time for yourself. It's been hot in Brisbane lately. So hot. Jimmy is constantly snacking and cluster feeding, so there is definitely sweat, stale milk smell and a general feeling that I'm over having a babe attached at the end of each day. So when Mr Fork takes pity on me and pries James from my chest you better believe I bolt for the shower and lock the door before Ellie can follow. I leisurely wash my hair, scrub my face, shave my legs and because I'm a mum I scrub the shower too. It is seriously the best 5 touch free minutes of my life, and I emerge human, re-energised and enthusiastic once again, and ready to be reattached to the infant. Do something like that. Make a hot chocolate. Have tea. Go outside and walk around barefoot in the garden... just escape for a few minutes and take some me-time when the opportunity presents itself.

7. Babywear. Seriously. Sometimes, I just can't figure out what Jimmy wants. He is fed. His nappy is changed. He's been burped, he is not tired, but he just won't settle. Baby wearing to the rescue. He is just about 3 weeks old now and perfectly happy in both the ring sling and a wrap, as long as he is wrapped on mama.

Sakura bloom twilight ring sling gets the shopping done

I also think that it helps with his digestion (I mentioned his lip/tongue tie previously, well it makes him a little gassy and uncomfortable after a feed). In fact, in the interest of sharing, here's a picture of how I am writing this blog post, with Jimmy happily wrapped against me. He gets to snuggle, I get to move away from my room and get things done around the house. Win, win!

Didymos Inka in FWCC gets the blog post written

What are your tips for surviving life with a new born?

Shan't, Won't, Cant

I can't...Wear fringes (I just don't have enough hair and it gets too greasy). Sleep when someone else is snoring. Sleep in (yeah, it sucks when someone has been snoring all night). Refrain from putting in my 2c.

I can...
Ride a motorcycle. Write my name in Chinese. Check my email and Facebook way more than they need to be checked. Make a mean apple crumble. Sew and mend basic items. Grow my own food.

I won't
Take crap from people anymore. Watch a favourite musical without singing. Apologise for previously mentioned singing. Be embarrassed for having a small crush on Edward Cullen. Let being tired stop me from having family time.

Just look at those eye bags!

I will...
Let myself be heard when I think it's important enough. Spend too much money on shoes. Cry when I'm frustrated, angry, emotional, sleep deprived and sometimes even when I don't get my own way. Squeak like a mouse on my own behalf but you better believe I'm a tiger when it comes to my family!

I shouldn't...
Feel guilty for eating so much pizza. Eat so much junk food. Look back on lost opportunities as much as I do. Shop online. Send emails without stopping to think first.

I should...
Make more time for me. Like myself naked. Write more. Better control my temper and tongue. Learn to make my own refried beans. Make more of an effort with family sometimes.

What are some of your can/will/shoulds?

H for habits

When Ellie was still brand new and we were still in the getting to know each other phase, I joined a mother's group. It was one of the best things I did as a new mother, because it gave me something to commit to once a week (therefore making me leave the house), and it allowed me to connect with other new mothers in exactly the same situation as me. The mother's group I joined was one organised by a community health nurse, so for the first four weeks, we had someone come and talk to us about various topics, provide some gentle education and generally make us all feel that we were doing a good job and all these new feelings and emotions were completely normal.

One of the things the nurse said sticks with me through until now, almost a year later. I'm paraphrasing, but it went along the lines of, there is no such thing as a bad habit. You simply raise your child in a manner that you can accept. That resonated with me. How often has someone told you to put your baby down and let her cry herself to sleep? That, if you go and pick her up or rock her when she is sleepy, she is just manipulating you? Children are only small for a short time. They are born innocent and don't understand the concepts of 'winning' or 'manipulation'. A baby will cry because it needs something and why should you feel guilty for holding her and providing comfort if they ask the only way they know how to?

I have used that as my parenting mantra… that it is all about the habits that I am prepared to accept. There was a time when Ellie would only fall asleep during the day if she was lying on me. I loved that time, it was lovely to have that close connection and watch her peacefully dream and sleep in my arms. After a week or so when I hadn't gotten anything done because I was watching her sleep and couldn't move around, that habit stopped working for me… so I started to transition her to something else and found another sleeping habit that worked for both of us.

Similar story with co-sleeping. We tried having Ellie sleep in the room with us, and it didn't work at all. She didn't sleep well, I didn't sleep well (although Mr Fork slept beautifully), and so we found a solution that worked for us. I am actually a little jealous of those that can make it work for them as it would make feeding and resettling overnight so much easier.

Ellie is going through a phase at the moment where she wants to be close to me  all the time. She is almost like a little barnacle - if she isn't being touched, she is unhappy. I know that there is advice out there that would say, teach her to be independent. But why should I, when she likes to be cuddled and I like to give cuddles? She learns by being with us and seeing the everyday things that we do. This is where baby wearing - wraps, slings and the Ergo come in ever so handy. She gets to be close, and I still get to go about my day and get things done. Win all around!

Another habit which I really love at the moment is what I have dubbed the "Ellie tax". Our morning routine goes a little like this: Ellie wakes up at 5, and I change her nappy then get her bottle ready. While she is drinking that, I make my breakfast and coffee and sit at the dining table. When she has finished her bottle she will walk over to me, raise her arms to ask to sit on my lap, where she will then proceed to talk to me and tax every third bite or so of what I am eating. Sure, it's probably not the best habit to get her into, but I love a few extra minutes of closeness in the morning, and I've noticed that she is getting much better utensil control because she can see how I feed myself (and her) from the correct perspective. She won't be small enough to sit on my lap forever (she is already half my height!) so I'm going to treasure it while I can. After eating my breakfast, she will move to her highchair and eat her own food (which she sometimes will generously share with me too).

So that's what I ask myself all the time now – is this a habit I can live with? Does it work for me? If not, how can I modify it so that it does?

Do you have any habits which mightn't be very conventional?

Slung, with love

I've talked about baby wearing before. I find it much easier when it's just me and Ellie to wear her, rather than getting the pram and pushing it around. It's comforting for me to be able to talk to her and drop little kisses onto her head when the mood strikes. I also think its nicer for her to see things from my perspective as well. I already have the Ergo and a wrap (or two), but I've been curious about ring slings and when one of the sites I stalk had a sale, I couldn't resist.

Although I can tie the wrap that I have into carries similar to a ring sling, it's quite a long wrap (size 5) and I find that I have meters of fabric that I have to wrap around me and tie into decorative styles to keep from stepping on it. I then have to untie them when I want to make adjustments, which can get annoying. I just love the colour of this wrap though and it's my go to for doing back carries (Mr Fork prefers the Ergo for everything).

Rocking a robbins hip carry on one of our walks

I bought a linen Sakura Bloom ring sling. It is unpadded, comes in one size and is lovely and thin, so it folds up small, but it's also very supportive and I have no hesitation in carrying Ellie in it (she is about 9kg now at 13 months old). It doesn't have any patterns in the Irish linen fabric but they do come in a choice of colours. After much deliberation I chose twilight, which is a dark blue and I think is quite versatile to pair with a lot of my wardrobe (so vain). The photo below has a lot of sun coming in - it's not so light in person. I even got a tea sample with my order (I love freebies!).

I'd done a bit of research into the fabric type I wanted and I figured linen was a good choice, despite the crease factor. As it comes from flax, it's a nice strong, natural fibre that wears well and is supportive, definitely something you want when you're carrying a child in it! It is also antibacterial and has great wicking properties, both of which are fabulous features which you have an infant who will spill things and maybe overflow a cloth nappy on occasion. The fabric is breathable and dries quickly, perfect for hot Brisbane weather and for when it needs to be washed. It is a sewn ring sling, which means that the rings are built in. I'm ok with that as I'm not one of those who need to change patterns or wraps all the time anyway and I don't want to be messing around setting up my sling with a new wrap constantly. The rings on the Sakura Bloom are made from aluminium so they're very light and since they're continuous, also very sturdy.

I know that many people have said that wrapping is uncomfortable, but honestly, that hasn't been my experience. With the wraps and ring sling essentially being long bolts of material, they are really adjustable and easy to make them sit just the way you like it. It's sort of like origami-ing your baby onto you. Ellie looks really pensive below, but she was just fed up after a long day out. The colour is a fairly accurate representation. Unpadded, I still find it very comfortable, even for long periods of time, and it's easy to get Ellie positioned nice and snug.

Too tired to look at the camera mummy

Long story short? I love my Sakura Bloom ring sling. It's portable, easy to carry around 'just in case', and very simple to use. Ellie loves it and I love having both hands free while I carry her and not have to mess with the longer wrap. Win all around. I've found that the more I use it, the softer it's gotten, and it wasn't even all that stiff to begin with so I'm really looking forward to having it fully broken into delicious softness. 

What's your favourite way to take bub out and about?

A necklace a day keeps grabby hands away

Babies start off as placid little blobs. You can do anything with them at that stage - they're very portable and it's easy to maintain a semblance of a life still. You can put them down and they'll still be in roughly the same position when you come back. They sleep a lot and it's very easy to bundle them up and take them with you. When you're feeding them, they are easily arranged into the ideal feeding position. Then they get older.

They discover their toes, they discover sounds - oh my, is that daddy I hear, what's happening on the TV, oh mum didn't you want to gaze lovingly into my eyes while I tear myself (painfully) off your nipple? Yes, I went there and said nipple on my blog. Ahem. They also start to learn about textures and touch. Your previously gentle baby will move from stroking you lovingly to accidentally slapping you in the face while flailing around. She'll pull your hair, and then try to eat it. If you're nursing in public, it's entirely likely your modesty shield will be torn off exposing everything. Also, if you have my luck you'll be in the ugliest bra you own when that happens. Take my advice, pretty dangly earrings and elegant necklaces are a thing of the past.

Wait, what?! Fear not, I said elegant and dangly jewellery, that wasn't a blanket statement.  

I've got two necklaces I can wear safely that are guaranteed to keep Ellie's attention and help keep my sanity. The first is a Jellystone designs silicon pendant, very similar to the one below except mine is fuchsia. It's my go-to neck ornament when I'm heading out with Ellie for extended periods as it has two main uses - the first is that it's made of a washable BPA-free silicon which makes it perfect for sore gums to gnaw on. The second is that it hangs at a perfect height to be played with while feeding - hello, distraction free nursing and polite latching and detaching! It also has a nifty little clasp which opens if the pendant is yanked or pulled too hard.

The other necklace I have is my pretty, 'dressy mummy' necklace, which is perfect for distracting Ellie while wrapping her.  This gorgeous handmade necklace is by Kim, at deer love, and every time I look at it, it screams "sunny weather days" at me. So I call it my sunny day necklace and just wearing it brightens my mood immediately.  The beads are handmade by Kim from polymer clay, rolled and baked at home before being knotted onto a leather cord, which hangs around the decolletage area on me.  The necklace is delightful and distracts Ellie marvellously so that she doesn't pull on my hair while I'm wearing her. Also, because of where it hangs, it's a great length for her to play with while feeding as well. Wins all around!! And just look at the beautiful packaging - it came wrapped in the gorgeous fabric scrap with an adorable wooden deer brooch as well.

Disclaimer: I was provided the deer love necklace for consideration

Wrapped, with love

I wrote awhile back about carrying Ellie in her Ergo carrier, and how I'd purchased a woven wrap so that I had a little more flexibility with the way I carried her around.

I'm not going to lie, Ellie is a clingy baby. She loves to be held and I love to hold her. When we're going for a quick trip somewhere, it's much easier for me to hold her than it is for me to get out the pram when I know she'll get bored and want to be held sometime anyway. An added benefit of carrying her is that she has a lot more interaction upright than she does lying down. There is research out there that babies who are carried (as opposed to pushed in prams) learn better, bond, feel more secure and develop better language and social skills as they are used to seeing the world at a 'big person' level.

So, let's get into details. I've already talked about the Ergo. The benefits of using a woven wrap are similar and many. Sure, a buckled carrier like an Ergo is super easy to throw on, but when I know I'll be carrying for a long period, I reach for my wrap.

Didymos Indio Porrinho (Brand, Weave, Colour/Pattern)

Wrapping Pros:

• As it's just a length of material, it's very snuggly for me and Ellie and there are no stress points for possible failure. Different wrap materials have different qualities - mine is a linen/cotton blend which makes it supportive yet still soft and plenty of grip 
• There is no one way to wrap; you can experiment with different carries until you find ones that suit both you and bub. The fabric wraps around wearer and baby so you get a custom fit, every time
• It's easy to alter the way the wrap sits, so there are no digging bits or any uncomfortable places as they're so mouldable
• Because they aren't sized, you can get a great fit with any baby, from a brand new squishy, to a toddler. I didn't start using the wrap until Ellie was a few months old, but if we have another baby, I won't hesitate to wrap from newborn
• The wraps themselves have a pretty good resale value. In fact, I think it's better to buy them second hand as someone has already put all the work into breaking them in and making them as squishy and soft as possible
• It's not solely a carrier, but can also be used as a hammock, a rug, a sunshade etc
• When you back carry, little baby breaths on the back of your neck are super adorable (baby snores are even cuter)

Wrapping Cons:

• Wraps come in different sizes. The most suitable will depend on the carries you want to do and the size of the wearer. Some people like to have multiple wraps for different purposes so it could become expensive
• Depending on the size of the wrap, the weave, and the carry, you may have a lot of material over and around you and bub. This can be hot in warmer climates and weather
• There is a bit of a learning curve with a woven wrap - you can't just buckle it on and be good to go
• It's a bit of a pain in the butt wrapping when out as the ends drag on the ground until I get it all wrapped. I also look a bit vain checking myself out in shop front glass, but I'm really just checking the wrap and position
• There are many different carries which you can try. This may take some time to learn, and you need to build up your confidence, especially when trying back carries. Many people recommend practicing over a soft surface and with someone to help spot when you are learning
• They're addictive - there are so many fabrics, weaves and colours out there that you may find your collection getting out of control!

So, how do you learn to wrap?  Well, there are many people who like to babywear, and the best way to learn would be if someone experienced with woven wraps can demonstrate in person.  If that's not possible, then as my friend, the 1337 mum says, YouTube is not just for cute kitties.  There is so much knowledge out there, and so many great videos demonstrating fabulous (and safe!) wrap techniques.

So the wrapping verdict? I love it! I love that I can go about my day and have Ellie close in a comfortable and practical way. I still have so much to learn and now that I've practiced more, I feel like I need a shorter wrap (mine is a 5 but the tails are so long I think I could comfortably go to a 4 and still do the carries I want).  Here's a photo of Ellie in a rucksack carry.  Just look at that cute little face peering out!

Rucksack, tied behind with super long tails

Do you baby wear?  What's your favourite way to bond with hub?

Carried, with love

One of the best things I bought for Ellie (and me) was her Ergo carrier.  Being a borderline premmie baby, she was small and just wanted to be close to her mama all the time.  Some days, I would wear her from when she got up until when she went to bed, popping her out only for nappy changes and feeds, and she would happily nap in there.  Having the Ergo meant that I could have her snuggled in with me and still have two hands free to do other things.  In the early days, there were many times when Mr Fork would come home and panic over what he thought was cradle cap and I had to admit that it was me, eating toast over our daughter and couldn't he tell cradle cap from toast crumbs?!

She's about 7 weeks old in the below picture. Yes, I may or may not be in my pyjamas. Don't judge.

Anyway, she hasn't gotten over her love of being carried and I have to admit it's not something I want her to anyway.  It's an instant calmer for her - when she's screaming in her pram in the middle of the shopping centre, she'll stop as soon as she's picked up and held.  It's annoying to have to carry both pram and carrier, but really, there aren't many things better than being able to tilt my head down and sniff her baby smell or drop random kisses on her head. When she looks up at me, it's one of the sweetest feelings in the world and makes it all worthwhile.

Lots of people told me that I should learn to let her settle on her own and I'd regret it if I always held her to calm her. The way I see it, I carried her already for nine months and we're pretty used to each other. If being next to me, touching, hearing and smelling me makes her calm down, who am I to deprive her of that? I'll be back to work sooner than I want to, and won't be able to cuddle on demand then... and when she's crying and upset, I'd rather hold her than let her think she's alone. (As an aside, she has learnt to self settle herself anyway, but I don't regret ever holding my daughter when she wanted comfort).

We chose an Ergo for a couple of reasons.  One, with the infant insert, it was suitable for use from birth, and could continue to be used until about 20kg. Two, as new parents, we didn't want anything complicated and we wanted something we both could use. This particular model is suitable for tall people as well as short, so suited Mr Fork and I. Three, the performance model (which we have) has a cool mesh insert which supposedly makes it cooler for baby. I can't really compare to anything, but I know that Ellie is a sweaty bub and even on hot days she loves her carrier. Four, it's easily washable if/when she dirties it and five, it comes with good reviews for infant positioning and ergonomics.

However, now that I am a stay at home mama (at least for the present), I have time to trawl forums and see what other things are out there.  Now that I have a baby and I'm not just buying theoretically, I can evaluate products a little more accurately and think about how they would work for me.  While I still love the Ergo, I find as Ellie gets bigger and heavier, I want something that is a little more multipurpose and portable. It's not exactly huge, but it is bulky to carry around and only serves one purpose. After Mr Fork has worn her, I have to spend time adjusting the carrier back to the exact way that I like it. While it's adjustable, you can only carry baby on the front, back or hip and those positions aren't adjustable. It's not a deal breaker but it is annoying.

So after much thought and research, I made the plunge and purchased a woven wrap.  Essentially, it's a long piece of fabric which you can wrap around yourself and baby.  Yes, there is a bigger learning curve, but I figured it would also double as a blanket, a pram liner and a sunshade if necessary. They're meant to be very comfortable because there are so many different wrap methods and carries - you can even carry a newborn on your back if you're brave/talented enough.  Looking online, they're quite the fashion accessory too, coming in different fabrics, weaves, colours and lengths.  I wasn't really fussed about all of that, but I'm still happy with the one I chose. It's grey with a sort of shimmery pink... I can't wait for my new wrap to make its way to me so I can play.  Expect a review soon!

Didymos Indio Porrinho