5 ways the second baby is different from your first

I've got to be honest - Jimmy is a good baby. I hope I haven't jinxed myself saying that, but it's true. He's very zen and chilled out, and really, I'm just relaxed and enjoying him. Of course, he is snoozing in the ring sling against my chest as I type this, so it could be the sleep deprived mama hormones talking... but I think not.

Before he came, I worried and questioned.  Would love him as much as I loved Ellie? How would Ellie adjust to being a big sister? How would I cope with two? Is breastfeeding going to be as hard this time around?

Turns out all of that worry and fretting was unnecessary. Yes, the first days are hard, getting used to sleep deprivation and cluster feeding and adjusting the family dynamic. There are definite silver linings though, so here are my thoughts on ways the second child is different from the first.

1. You've done it all before, so you know what 'normal' feels like

Yes, I complained that doctors were treating me like I knew what I was doing during pregnancy and labour because I'd done it all of once before. In reality though, you know what you're doing. Or should I say, you know what normal is and you know when it's just not right.

I pushed for extra testing when I got itchy because I knew what cholestasis felt like the first time around. I argued not to be sent home from the labour ward because I knew I gave birth quickly and I didn't want to do it on the roadside. I did not feel guilty asking for extra assistance or help in hospital, and for making use of all the available resources and knowledge there.

I got help for feeding early because I knew it wasn't right despite being told by several health professionals that everything was fine.

I've done it before, so I know what does and doesn't feel right. I'm also not afraid to speak up and ask for help or second opinions.

2. You know that it won't hurt them to cry for 2 seconds while you dash to the toilet

With Ellie, every little cry she made, I was in there. Is she cold, is she wet, does she smell, should I feed her? She owned me, which is not a bad thing at all. However, when it came time to choose her over the toilet for example, I would pick her and rock in silent discomfort (wouldn't dare to wake the sleeping babe) while my bladder nearly burst. Now, I know that Jimmy will be just fine while I dash off quickly. After all, I'm sure he'd much rather have a happy and comfortable mama when we settle in for those marathon feeding sessions he's so fond of.

3. Excretion is funnier

I have never been peed on so much in my life. Or pooped on come to think of it. Little boys seem so much more explosive. Just taking the nappy off Jimmy appears to be code for 'yes please, even though you've clearly just weed, aim some more my way'. Mr Fork and I had both forgotten how much newborns poop, and we've both made the mistake of taking off the nappy before he's done... cue screams of anguish as we get covered in streams of warm excrement. I'll be honest, I laughed hysterically when it happened to Mr Fork the first time. Not so hilarious when it was my turn (but still funny).

Cue stripping down the change table, the baby and gingerly removing our own outfits over our head and bolting to the shower. Spit up just seems so passé and normal now... oh, you've vomited down my back? That's ok, at least it wasn't poop....

4. It's lovely to see your older child with the new baby

Ellie could not be a better big sister. There is so much love there, and it really does bring a tear to my eye when she interacts with her baby brother (damn postnatal hormones). We made sure to include her in the pregnancy as much as possible, she talked to her baby brother in utero, came to appointments with me, we read books and tried to prepare her as much as possible to be a big sister.

She has taken to it beautifully - when Jimmy cries she gets frantic and runs to check on him, screaming 'Baby James, sad!'. When I'm feeding she wants to sit close and touch his head, or lifts her shirt to feed her baby too. She is always asking to hold him on her lap and loves nothing more than to rub his back to help him burp. There is no jealousy, and I often have to stop her from 'sharing' (read, throwing) her toys at his head as he sleeps. What would be awesome though? If there was a little less love at (the frequent) bed times so Jimmy could actually sleep instead of being woken constantly by a loving big sister.

My fears that I might not love Jimmy as much as Ellie? Groundless. I loved him the second I held him, and I don't love Ellie any less. Although, now that I have a newborn, she appears to be a giant in comparison!

5. You appreciate night time snuggles more

With a second child, your attention is split during the day. I can't give James the individual attention that Ellie got as a newborn. Toddlers are demanding and attention seeking little people. No matter how tired I am and how zombie like I feel after being up all night feeding, I make sure to spend time with Ellie, snuggling, reading or baking while he sleeps. I pack up Jimmy into a sling or wrap and we take Ellie to the park or the library and make sure that she doesn't resent this new little human who makes such demands on mama and daddy's time.

So, night time is my time with Jimmy. It's when I can stroke his silky head, inhale that unique new born smell, feel his little hands clutching me, and just enjoy the feeling that I made this tiny human and he will call me mama. We just enjoy our time together, he and I, without anyone else demanding their share of my attention. Sure, I'd love more sleep. Sure, I'm like a zombie in the mornings, but they're only little for so long, and years later I won't remember the sleep I didn't get, but I will hold those new baby snuggles in my heart forever.

By the way, I struggled a bit with what to title this post. Fun? Better? Chilled? Finally I settled on different. I guess I just wanted to compare going from one to two children in a positive sort of way.

How was your second (or subsequent) baby different to the first?

Attila is here!!

Shortly after posting this photo on Instagram last week, complaining about how I was the most pregnant I had ever been and how uncomfortable I was, my waters broke. Maybe some of those bringing on labour methods worked?

A quick call to Mr Fork at work, some organising of care for Ellie and we were off to the hospital post haste (I tend to have short labours).

A few hours later, this scrumptious little man was born. Look what I made! Welcome Attila (now formally Jimmy)! Who knew that tummy was hiding a big 7lb 7oz baby? Not me... everything I'd packed for him to wear in hospital was too small. His sister was 5lb 12oz, so that's what I was going on. No wonder I was waddling around! Almost a whole kilogram of extra baby this time!!

Now excuse me. I have precious newborn cuddles to sneak in, a fresh baby head to sniff, endless feeding to do and much sleep to catch up on...

Natural ways to bring on labour?

I mentioned previously that I am currently the most pregnant I have ever been. Also, lucky me, Brisbane is having some of the hottest weather of the season. Oh lovely! So suffice to say, I am more than a little uncomfortable. The heat doesn't help, but I'm also rather large and ungainly, so I'm more than ready for Attila to come out. Any time now... or now...

I spend my days at the moment trying to encourage Attila to start the process. I know that when your body is ready, it's ready, but I'm sure a little incentive doesn't hurt right? There are plenty of natural suggestions out there to try.

Foremost with the suggestions is physical activity. So I've been really into the cleaning, the gardening and as much walking as I can comfortably do with this horrible heat and/or a toddler in tow. The cleaning part is discouraging though, as every time a room is cleaned, a puppy, or Ellie or Mr Fork will mess it up again.

Next on the list is food. I do love food, so I figure Attila might have picked up on some of that and be tempted out for more. Here's some of the things I've tried, from top, clockwise into the middle:

1. Candy buffet and sugary goodness at the Myer Giftorium launch
2. Amazingly delicious dessert of chocolate fudge brownie, peanut butter praline, cherries and vanilla (Attila was kicking around on a sugar high after that one!)
3. Spicy vegetarian Vietnamese noodle soup with extra chilli (I loved this, Attila spent the night giving me heartburn after)
4. Iced chocolate on soy milk
5. Spicy bean nachos with fresh guacamole 
6. Avocado plate with tomato, feta, roasted turkish bread and truffle oil
7. Grilled asparagus and cheese sandwich

Yes, Attila has been craving lots of dairy. While I can't stomach cow milk, I will give in and have animal-rennet-free cheese. I figure if the baby needs calcium, it's not really up to me to deprive him.

There are also the good old standbys, fresh pineapple and raspberry leaf tea (in a fancy glass with ice because... well, I'm classy like that, and it's HOT!)

Despite feeling like I have consumed my weight in (delicious, delicious, cold) pineapple and downed litres of tea, nothing.

So I'm waiting, with bated breath, which is about all I can manage as Attila is taking up so much room in there anyway. The house is clean, the nursery awaits, and every night Mr Fork encourages Ellie to tell Attila to "hurry up and come out".

Come on baby!

What other methods to bring on labour am I missing?

Pregnancy glamour on the home stretch

As of this week, I am the most pregnant I have ever been before. Ellie came smack bang on 37 weeks, and everyone told me that second babies come earlier and faster. I have to be honest and say that secretly I was counting on that, because right now, I feel giant and ungainly but most of all tired and impatient. Come on Attila, mama wants to meet you already!!

Since I've never made it this far before, I have more thoughts about the glamour of pregnancy along this home stretch that never occurred to me last time (read more about pregnancy glamour here and here).

• The pregnancy insomnia! Oh the insomnia. Was it this terrible before? I honestly can't remember but I know that I'm waking up several times a night and finding it very hard to get back to sleep. The gentle snores from Mr Fork just enrage me further - why does he sleep so peacefully when it eludes me?
• It's not just the insomnia waking me up, but I swear, I am up every two hours or so to empty my ever shrinking bladder. It wouldn't be so bad if it was worth it, but waking up to squeeze out a drop or two is so not fun
• While on the topic of sleep, it's mighty uncomfortable. I can't seem to get the optimal arrangement of pillows that support my back, my hips, the belly and my neck. It probably doesn't help that I'm limited to only sleeping on my side I suppose
• Rolling over! It's at least a three point job. And then I have to rearrange the pillows. With my awesome timing too, by the time I get everything just right, I need to get up to wee again. Oh the humanity!
• As I mentioned, Ellie came earlier. She also was born in September, so my limited maternity wardrobe isn't really geared for a bigger belly and October/November (please not November!!) weather. Luckily I'm on maternity leave now, so I'm making do with loose drape-y sort of things... and maybe some things that shouldn't be seen in public 
• Looking after a toddler is extra exhausting now. Which is why by all rights I should sleep so soundly and it irks me that I can't. I sort of live for daycare days at the moment, which makes me feel terrible but does allow me the freedom to potter around the house nesting
• Nesting is harder this time too. No sooner do I get a room clean and sparkly, then Mr Fork or Ellie come along and destroy the shiny. Soooo frustrating!
• I feel so waddle-y and uncomfortable that I can't really go out and do things to take advantage of this baby free time. It seems whiney I know, but I could do with a haircut, and a pedicure and even just a good long massage (alright, that one I did do, but only because they have a pregnancy table and I can lie on my belly for awhile). Going out just seems so... much... effort...

I'm just impatient. In my heart, I'd hoped I'd have met Attila by now. I know he's not overdue by any stretch, but I'm on leave and I feel like I'm wasting it by not having a baby yet, especially when I'd mentally prepared for an early arrival. There is no way I could be at work either though because I'm so tired, but I'm just in limbo at the moment, floating around at home and nesting. There is only so many things to clean, books to read and sleep to be had really.

Ok not the sleep part. That I'd love some more of please!

So come out Attila! Your mama and your daddy and your big sister can't wait to meet you!! Ellie lays on my belly each night and talks to you. She pokes at my 'baby button' (belly button) and blows you raspberries. Daddy talks to you all the time and doesn't know whether to go to work or stay and hover around me. You must already know how eager I am to meet you. Everyone is waiting for you... hurry up baby!

Love, mama

Does anyone have any tips to bring on labour? Or make these last days go just a little bit faster? I'd love to hear them!

What's in my hospital bag for giving birth

Last weekend at the 35 week mark or thereabouts, I had a bit of a scare that I was in early labour. Well, I wasn't having that, and after walking about (for HOURS!) and some stern words to Attila that I had Lion King tickets booked for the following day and no intention of missing out, he settled down.

However, it was a timely reminder that Mr Fork and I should probably get those bags packed, especially because Ellie also came early and we've been warned to prepare for a potentially earlier and faster arrival with Attila. So, when daylight broke, we rushed around and frantically packed.

Of course, after that, I have repacked several times since, but this is what I have in my bag so far.

 

• Awesome comfy pyjamas from Forever 21 (courtesy of my awesome baker friend) for lounging
• Sorella and Me nursing singlet (except mine is black)
• Bamboo breastpads
• Funky slippers (similar here)
• Comfy maternity pants that can be worn high or low and that I can sleep and lounge in when people visit (similar here)
• A selection of snacks, including various Bar Counter goodies (I got mine from Coles)

I also have the boring, yet necessary things:

• Maternity bras
• Maternity pads
• Knickers
• Toiletries (including but not limited to my own shampoo/conditioner, moisturiser, shower gel and lipgloss)
• A loose dress and a nighty in case pants are uncomfortable
• Thongs for the shower

For Attila:

• Several onesies (mostly 00000 but a 0000 in case)
• Several singlets
• Cute beanies and mittens
• Muslin wraps and a blankie
• Baby wipes and tiny nappies
• Small gifts to give Ellie

When labour happens, the following things are also to be thrown into my bag:

• iPhone and iPad, with associated chargers

Tell me, have I forgotten anything? Can I reduce what I'm taking any?

Tips for transitioning an only child to a big sister

This week marked the last week of work for me. All of a sudden, Attila's arrival is becoming that much closer. I've been spending lots of time resting, and lots of time with Ellie as well. She had her second birthday recently, and has morphed into a "two-nager" - lots of meltdowns, lots of temper tantrums, but lots of development too. Her speech improves daily and I keep seeing bigger snippets of personality coming through. She's a real delight most of the time. It has me wondering though, have I done enough to prepare her for the changes which come along with a new baby in the house. After all, she has been the sole centre of my parenting world for two years now... how will having a younger sibling change that dynamic?

We've been doing a couple of things to help prepare her for a new arrival:

• We have been reading books which talk about siblings, and sharing, and how babies grow in mama's tummy
• Mr Fork and I have been running scenarios by each other, and how we plan to react if they happen. For example, if she gets jealous and says she hates mama and the baby, Mr Fork will stay calm and say that he loves mama and Attila and we all love Ellie too
• I've been letting her pat my belly as it grows, and tell her that there is a little brother in there and she has to use gentle hands with him. She loves to blow raspberries on it
• Grandma and Grandad gave her a baby doll of her own at her birthday. She loves it, and carries it around with her, so I'm hoping she can mimic me when I need to look after Attila. She already asks to tuck baby in and change his nappy
• Also for her birthday, she was also given lots of toys that she can play with independently, such as duplo, dolls to dress up, colouring things and play food and high tea sets. The aim is that these are things she can play with beside me with minimal input
• As soon as I could share, I told daycare about our news and they've been working with her too. They give her 'baby' dolls to look after and read her books. They're getting the children in her room interested in all things baby to be honest
• In my hospital bag, I have packed some presents for Attila to give to her that she can play with while visiting in hospital. Little things, like bubble mixes and some Sesame Street pyjamas as she has taken to stealing mine (only just two and already stealing my clothes!!)

I do worry too how I will transition from one child to two, especially as I remember those sleep deprived early days when breastfeeding was hard and the level of care required was oh so high and all consuming. I worry that I won't be giving Attila the same level of attention that Ellie got as an infant.

Does anyone have any other tips to share to help children adjust to a new sibling? Or a mama to adjust from one child to two?

N is for nappies

Let's talk nappies! Right from the beginning of pregnancy with Ellie, I was determined to use cloth. It was something I wanted to do, for the environment, and because I think they're marvellous. I signed Mr Fork and I up for workshops and did endless research online about what sort to use, which brands were better and the must have accessories to go with them (handy hint, a little squirt or home made equivalent will save your sanity!). I stalked the companies I was interested in to make sure that I bought at the best time and got the biggest bargains going. I've written a post about things I'd wish someone had told me about cloth nappies before.

Some of Ellie's early nappies

I should just lay it out there: with a newborn, you are going to get poop on you. It is just inevitable. Sure it's gross, but you get used to it, after all, there are lots of terrible things that could get on you, and you are washable. If you get used to touching poop, then it's just one more step to rinse it off and wash the poop catchers. Babies need quite a lot of washing done anyway I found. It's just as easy to clean a few extra items since I'd be in the laundry so much.

Minkie nappies - so soft and colourful!

When we started daycare, that was one of the questions that I asked every centre: were they happy to change my daughter's cloth nappies? All of them were fine with it, but they wouldn't rinse the nappies, just throw them in the bucket I provided. That was fine with me, even if it did add an extra task to my days (ever tried to rinse off dried on poop? It's pretty gross). Anyway, Ellie was in cloth nappies full time until probably her first birthday when her day care said she was just holding on too long and wetting through too often. I kept her in cloth at home for awhile longer, and then folded to peer pressure from Mr Fork and allowed him to switch her to disposable. Much like the breast vs bottle debate, I know that there is no one solution that fits everybody and I will do what suits my family best at the time.

I have kept my stash of beautiful cloth nappies (and flats too!), and Attila will also wear them when big enough (I tend to grow small babies).

I do love the look of a little baby with a big fluffy cloth bum.

Do you use cloth nappies, either full time or otherwise? Any tips?

Recipe: Easy Coconut bread - toddler and freezer friendly

Lately I've been on a bit of a baking binge. I'd guess that it has something to do with nesting, and something to do with knowing the bone numbing tiredness that comes with having a new baby and wanting to stave off some stress by knowing that at least my freezer has food in it. Also, one of Ellie's current great joys in life is to help with the baking - I'm not sure whether it's the pouring and mixing of ingredients, the eating of the batter when she thinks I'm not looking, or the finished product that has the appeal, but who am I to thwart her?

Coconut bread

I think this is a great recipe - it's quick, easy, freezes well and best of all, is toddler approved. Winner all around!

Ingredients:

• 1 cup self raising flour
• 1 cup desiccated coconut
• 1/2 cup sugar (I used raw)
• 1 cup milk (I used a 155ml can of coconut cream and made up the extra 1/4 cup with soy milk)

Method:

1. Preheat a fan forced oven to 170C and line a loaf pan with baking paper.
2. Put all the ingredients into a mixing bowl and combine.
3. Pour into pan and bake for approximately 40 minutes.

I told you it was easy! Eat as is, or top with butter or icing. I don't think it needs either, with the coconut cream the bread is sweet enough and doesn't need anything extra.

Notes:

• The recipe freezes beautifully. I cut it into pieces and freeze each slice individually for ease of defrosting and future snacking.
• You could easily make this into cupcakes as well, just adjust the baking time to suit.
• I ran out, but if you use gluten free flour, you're ticking all the dietary bases with this recipe, which also makes it perfect to share with friends.
• A splash of vanilla essence added would also be delicious.

Delicious, crumby and more-ish!

Inspire me! What are your freezer friendly meals/snacks?

Things I'm looking forward to post pregnancy

Inspired by a Facebook post recently, I decided to compile a list of things that I'm really looking forward to post pregnancy. At first, getting pregnant is awesome! You're still small enough to be comfortable, it's exciting and you're all glowing and happy. Then later, as things progress, you gradually get more uncomfortable and resentful of what you can't have. Probably, even if I could have everything on my list, I wouldn't, but it's the sheer fact that I just can't that makes me want them more.

What kicked off the whole thought process? Well, I had to go to the physio, and they have a special pillow that lets you lie on your stomach. It was LOVELY. I imagine in fact, that I looked something like this:

 

Source

So, in no particular order, other things I am looking forward to post birth:

• Lying in a position other than on my side. I may starfish and wallow around on my back immediately after delivery I am looking forward to it that much (another seal picture of that below, it is that cute)
• A sneaky glass of wine
• Walking without waddling
• Rolling over in bed without it needing to be (at least) a three point maneuver
• Tiny person snuggles
• Soft cheeses! 
• Decent time periods without needing to wee
• New baby smell
• Sushi
• Having a choice in clothing again (my pregnancy wardrobe is small)
• Being able to wear heels if I want to
• Painting my own toes
• Eating a decent sized meal without indigestion

Source

I'd like to say sleep but I figure that's not something I'll get any more of...

Have I missed anything important here?

M is for mothering

Lately, as I have begun to slow down a bit with this pregnancy, I have often wished that I had someone nearby that I could just call up and say, 'hey, please come and watch Ellie for me while I sleep and lie down and rest while Attila squirms around'. Even in the early days with the constant seasickness of nausea when I couldn't tell anyone yet, I just lay on the couch or bed and had toys strewn around for Ellie while I tried to ride through the waves of sickness because there was no one that I could call for that kind of help.

Mr Fork has had to do a few overnight trips lately too, and at seven-plus months pregnant with Attila, it has been difficult to manage these on my own. It hurts to bend and pick up Ellie. I am tired and sore and bad tempered. Showering is hard enough for just me, let alone cleaning a small person who just wants to be picked up and danced madly around in the water too.



A little out dated now, but you get the idea

At times like those, I miss my mother. I don't often speak about her, but during this time she is often on my mind, especially when I have questions that my dad can't answer. Like, how long was she in labour? Was breastfeeding easy for her? When did I walk? What was my first word? Did she get nauseous? Was her second pregnancy easier? I get so jealous when people talk about being pregnant and how ill they feel but luckily they have their mother over to help watch the toddler and to clean and cook and ensure that they were sent to bed to rest in peace. And how hard it all is. Hard? 'Hard' is having to suck it up because no one can come over and help you. And you have to do the cooking and cleaning and mothering and wife-ing while sick and large because there isn't anyone else. But that's my problem, not theirs… because really, it's just me being jealous about how lucky they are. And sometimes... it's lovely having a limpet like toddler who must sleep touching you. Other times, I'd love to have some space to just lie down and let the stress of the day drain away in solitude.

My own personal limpet

Mr Fork has always said his mother would come and help me if I asked. I know she would too. But really, I'd be too uncomfortable to whine to her like I could to my own family. I couldn't ask her to clean or pick up the detritus of the house. My dad and stepmother are too far away to ask, although I know they would if they could too (although it would kill them to have to say no, so I would never even voice it). There is no friend I have who I would feel comfortable asking to come and see me naked in the shower (Ellie likes company when she washes) and help me shower Ellie and I, or to put their own busy life on hold to help. So I just… don't. I put up… and until now, I've shut up.

Let's be clear, Ellie is not deprived of love. She has so many people who adore her, and she has Mr Fork's mother, and my stepmother, so she has grandmothers. But my mother has not met her. She has not acknowledged she has a grandchild, and another one on the way and that just kills me. It especially kills me because pregnancy makes me long for my mother, and I can't imagine ever not wanting Ellie and Attila in my life. So I have to conclude that it is my mother who misses out on their fabulousness and all the wonder of watching them grow up. And I will have to live with being a motherless mother. Most of the time, that's ok, I can deal with it.

My children though? They will never know what that feels like. I will make sure of it. I will be there for them and bear witness to all the gladness and sadness of their lives. That is what mothering is. Unconditional love. Selflessness. Acceptance of limpet like cuddles and that your life isn't actually all your own anymore.

Pregnancy glamour in the third trimester

Find my first post about the realities of pregnancy here.

I just had a couple of thoughts to add to my previous points about the so-called glamour of pregnancy that no one tells you about.

• A second pregnancy is so much harder than a first. You can't nap when you want to, because there is a toddler demanding attention. You can't just take to bed and expect people to look after you, because guaranteed, no one understands that mama is tired too.
• Medical professionals will assume you know what you're doing because you've done it ONCE before. I'm telling you, I blocked out most of my Ellie pregnancy but especially that whole labour part. If I'd remembered all the *fun* stuff, I don't know if I would have gone for round two!
• That fun stuff I mentioned? The tiny stomach space because Attila is taking up all my internal space, so the constant feeling of either indigestion (if I eat) or raging hunger (if I don't). Lack of internal space also means less bladder room, so frequent bathroom trips.
• The practicing of internal ballet moves and soccer playing becomes less cute the bigger baby gets - now it's just violent movements instead of cute little flutters. Also the kicking of my bladder, which I could certainly live without.
• Never, ever underestimate the importance of your pelvic floor. Sure, you might think you've done enough exercises the first time... you haven't. Do more. Trust me.
• The feeling that I just can't stretch anymore, and how can I possibly have another 6 weeks or so to go? My balance is completely off, and there is still more growing to do?!
• The chaos that surrounds me. I'm not by any means a clean freak, but I like things tidy. Now, we live in filth (not literally). It's just that Ellie cleans like a toddler, and Mr Fork cleans like a man, so they just don't see mess the way I do. I can't bend down or put in the elbow grease to fix it myself and so I often close my eyes to the mess and enjoy snuggles instead.

 

Finally, I have a parting anecdote to share before I close off my whiney post.

• I totally understand the urge to throttle one's husband. The other night, Mr Fork hurt his hip playing football. Then, Ellie cried in the middle of the night so he brought her into our bed instead of comforting her in her own room. He then had the nerve to complain because she wanted to snuggle up with him on his pillow. Oh his hip hurt! He didn't have enough room! It was not appreciated when I pointed out that I'm pregnant and carrying around an extra fifth of my body weight right now, with more to gain. That rolling over is hard, that I have to wear a support belt to hold my hips in place and that usually, Ellie sleeps limpet like against me in the bed so that there are three people on my side while he stretches out in glorious spatial luxury alone on his side of the bed. No, all that was brushed aside because his hip hurt and he was squashed. Men!

Make me laugh. Has your significant other just totally not gotten the point?

My pregnancy wardrobe essentials - styling the bump

I wanted to write about my wardrobe tips for pregnancy. Specifically, this probably relates more to the type of clothes that I wear to work, because when I'm home, I like to dress comfortably, and that means tracksuit or yoga pants and tops that may be slightly indecent for public view given my expanding girth.

I'm one of those people who are pretty frugal, and if I can help it, I'm not going to buy something specifically for maternity wear (unless I get it for an absolute steal of course). I'm more the sort of person who will wear regular clothes for as long as possible, and then when/if I absolutely have to, I'll go buy something cheap in a larger than normal size, but still from a regular store. Maternity wear is expensive ok, and if I can't make use of it after the nine baby-carrying months, I lose interest.

So, having said all of that, these are some of my favourite essential items I've been wearing to style the bump to date. I'm midway through week 29 now, and don't anticipate I'll need to change my dress style too much to accommodate the remaining pregnancy countdown.

The wrap tops

I have the one above from Abi and Joseph and it was worth the hefty price tag ($129 when I bought it). First of all, wrap tops are incredibly flattering. It's versatile, and to help cover the expanding assets I can also wear it with a singlet underneath for extra modesty. The wrap style means it's great as Attila grows because I can tie it to suit, and the fact that it's 100% merino means it's both warm and cool as required. It can also do double duty post baby as I imagine it'll be great for feeding in too.

Sweater dress (or tunic dresses)

The one pictured was sent to me by Mesop. It's the 'Wild World Sweater dress', and I almost fell over when I saw the price tag was $189. Then I looked closer at the dress. It's 100% merino and so soft and drapy. It's also not a maternity dress, but because of the stretchy, soft fabric, it can definitely cope with an expanding bump. Both of my babies have been due in Spring, so I have had winter pregnancies, which I am grateful for, as it allows me the flexibility to layer. This dress is great on it's own, or paired with some leggings for extra warmth. I love it a lot, and it's super flattering on.

I've got a couple of others that are lovely as well, without the price tag. Watch out when shopping because what you don't want is what I will dub the 'potato sack' tunic dress. Find something a little bit special, with a little bit of shape - that always helps me to feel more stylish.

Singlets

Alright, I may have bought something maternity specific here, but I was thinking ahead for feeding purposes. I got mine from Sorella and Me, and who could resist something made with organic cotton and so flattering and that it can be worn pre, during and post pregnancy? It's super versatile and I use it for layering under tops while it's cold, but I also plan on packing it in my hospital bag as well because it's super convenient for feeding in too with the button up neckline.

I have others (non maternity) that I got from Kmart for about $4 which are also awesome - just plain spaghetti strap ones which are fairly long so good for layering as well.

Cute flats

I don't own the above ones exactly, but I have several pairs that are similar. I don't know if it happens to everyone, but my feet swell when I'm pregnant. It happens gradually so I don't really notice until I am the same width from my knees to my toes, but it definitely happens. So, I tend to reserve a subset of shoes for pregnancy wear. I live in cute flats or sandals, and just rotate through them. I'm sad to say by the time Attila is born, all my pregnancy shoes will be too stretched for me (or anyone else) to wear again, so they'll get binned. Still, decent shoes are a pregnancy essential as your poor feet need to carry a bit of extra weight for awhile. I like to trawl around the outlet stores for good brands at reduced prices.

Leggings, tights and socks (similar to those pictured)

Look, let's be honest here. No matter how comfortable a pair of leggings/tights is, they will stretch as your belly grows, so there is no need to get expensive items here. Don't even buy them from a maternity section.  You're after things that will add versatility to your dresses or for modesty under an oversized shirt, or just plain fun under pants (who cares if no one sees them?!). I like to buy mine from Big W or asos, depending on who has the best deal or whether I can wait for postage. I kept the ones I wore while pregnant with Ellie, and they looked ludicrous over the small Attila-bump. So we're talking cheap and comfortable consumables here... although to be perfectly frank, I will probably re-purpose them for staking up my tomatoes when they're too holy and stretched to be decent.

Not pictured, but definitely recommended:

Various scarves, brooches, chunky jewellery and belts. These help to shape an outfit, drape over overexposed cleavage and generally help take the focus off my belly when I don't want to show it off.

How do you 'style your bump'? Am I missing anything?

Recipe: Anti nausea cookies with ginger

I have a good friend who loves to bake. I honestly think there is nothing that she cannot make in a kitchen. While I can cook well enough, she really knows her stuff and how things work together, so, when I wanted to create something to eat that would be relatively healthy but help to quell my nausea, I knew just who to turn to for help.

 

We started off knowing that I wanted cookies. There is a real cookie-palooza going on at the moment, everywhere I turn I see cookies being made and shared. Rightly so. Who doesn't love cookies? They're portable, delicious and very flexible and forgiving.

The brief was that they were to contain lots of ginger and be yummy and textural and just all around amazing. I think we succeeded pretty well actually, and so, I'm going to blog about it! 

Measurements are a bit funny because we wanted to make a small batch and sort of made it up as we went, but I assure you, the end result is delicious and more-ish. It was pretty apparent they were going to work when the raw dough itself was delicious (yay for vegan dough and eating it straight from the bowl!). Apparently that's an early marker of a good cookie!

 

Ingredients:

• 2/3 cup coconut sugar
• 1 1/6 cup wholemeal flour (we used spelt but you could use regular too)
• 3/4 cup water
• 1 tblsp coconut oil
• 1/3 cup walnuts, roughly chopped
• 1/3 cup pepitas
• 1 tsp cornflour
• 1/3 cup dessicated coconut
• 2 tblsp grated fresh ginger
• Pinch salt
• 1/2 tsp bi carb soda

Method:

Preheat your (fan based) oven to 180C. Line your cookie trays.
 

I like a low fuss recipe and I don't think you could get less fussy than this one. It's pretty simple really. Add everything into a bowl and combine. You want the mixture to be sticky but not too wet. You may need to add a little more flour or water to get it to the right consistency.

When you're happy, roll the mixture into appropriately sized balls, flatten slightly and put onto your trays. I found it was easier to do this with wet hands. My balls were probably 2 inches or so across when flattened. They didn't spread very much which was surprising.

 

Bake 15 minutes (but check progress at 10 minutes).

I didn't count exactly, but I'd say the recipe probably made 20+ cookies, and I'd say they'd keep fresh for at least a week. They are a soft cookie, which is my preference, but not too soft.

 

 

Notes:

• The raw recipe will freeze beautifully if you wanted to multiply the batch and store some away. Just defrost the dough completely before cooking.
• Add as much ginger as you like. I personally think I'll add in some more next time.
• I don't think the spelt flour made that much of a difference to the recipe. At $7.49/kg versus $0.79/kg for regular whole meal flour, I would be ok using regular flour next time.
• You could mix up the nuts and the coconut. I think next time for added texture I will use a shredded coconut instead.
• They could definitely cope with more nuts and seeds added if you wanted some extra crunch when you bite in.

Do you have a favourite cookie recipe? I'd love to hear about it!

Review: Franjo's Kitchen - Belly Bump Biscuits

I'm not sure how I came across Franjo's Kitchen, I think I was trawling through Instagram and they were tagged in something I was looking at. I started following their account, and I was hooked - biscuits designed in a collaboration between a cook and a naturopath, both of whom are mothers?

And they're vegan, gluten free, nutritious and healthy? And especially designed with new mums in mind? Well sign me up, stat!

They recently had a promotion where purchasing a month of their lactation biscuits (available in two delicious sounding flavours) would score you free postage, but on investigation, Attila might or might not be here within the biscuit shelf life, and I didn't want to buy them and not use them for their intended purpose. Besides, I knew if I had them, I would eat them, and then Ellie would also want some, and we mightn't be able to stop.

So I continued stalking their page, and I was given a little heads up about a new product designed for pregnant mamas - Belly Bump Biscuits.  These are a limited run at the moment, to test the product out, and I was lucky enough to get my hot little (pregnant) hands on a pack.

Six months in and I'm still a bit nauseous so frankly, anything that Attila will tolerate, I will eat. Even better if it's full of good things to boot - like fibre, omega 3, iron, calcium, b vitamins and zinc. Wrapped up with a bunch of other organic ingredients, and some ginger to help combat nausea, and they're a winner in my book!

They did take a while to get to me - I ordered on a Wednesday night, and they didn't arrive until a week later, and if I'm honest, postage was a bit steep - $11.95 for a single pack of biscuits sent from Melbourne to Brisbane. Having said that, they were packaged beautifully in their bag, then in a box, surrounded by packing beans, then in a courier bag so there was no chance of any biscuits breaking enroute. Still, a week? And only ordering one bag (at $13.95 a bag) isn't very cost efficient. I worked out I had 14 biscuits in my 250g bag, and at a cost per biscuit of $1.85 (including the postage) it's a bit pricey.

Having said that though, they were yummy and filling and everything that I could want in a snack. I had to restrain myself from eating them all in one go... but it was tough. They're deliciously soft and chewy, sort of cakey and just the right amount of sweetness and flavour to be delicious. There is plenty of texture from the coconut and pepitas, and the ginger is just the right amount. I'm sold and so is Attila I think.

I definitely want to try some of their tanker topper biscuits for when Attila is born - the fig and almond variety sound amazing.

** In the interest of full disclosure, I purchased the Belly Bump Biscuits as any other customer would. This is not a paid review, but I like the product, the company and their ethos and I really wanted to share. All opinions are my own.

Breastfeeding, what I've learnt so far

* Disclaimer this post is sponsored by Medela.

I've written before about my breastfeeding experience with Ellie.

I won't lie. The first time around we stopped breastfeeding way earlier than I wanted to. I wanted to be that mama who fed easily. I thought it was something that came naturally, that you just instinctively knew what to do. For me, that wasn't the case. We had a toe curling, painful and rocky start. There were latch issues and apparent supply issues. There was sore nipples and mastitis bouts. There was conflicting advice from midwives, lactation consultants and my GP. Lots of tears (both hers and mine). What with pumping, feeding, and a delicious recipe for vegan lactation cookies, we managed to keep at it for nine months, during which time I also returned to work and she also started day care.

Also, I won't sugar coat it. Some of my nicest early memories are of breastfeeding. Of gazing into her eyes, of smelling that sweet baby smell, of tiny hands patting me as she feeds. The utter contentment of those late nights when she and I seemed to be all alone in the world. I missed that when we stopped. So much more than I thought I would. There were more tears (from me this time). After I stopped feeding, I still had a decent supply of milk frozen that we'd finished off by the time she turned one. In spite of how she was fed, and the angst I gave to the whole process, Ellie has thrived. I'm grateful for all the help and (good) advice I received and I want to state that I support feeding your baby however works best for you.

My hand looks really old here

Having said that, I intend to give breastfeeding a red hot go with Attila. This time around, I'm better informed, more practiced and know where to go if I need help.

Recently, I attended a morning tea with Medela. I used their products the first time around with Ellie (hello, marvellous shields and swing breast pump!) and we've got a few bottles as well. This morning tea was fabulous. We talked about what is normal is breastfeeding. Please, if you take anything from this post know that there is no normal! There is no 'correct' set of rules and know that the breastfeeding relationship will change as your baby grows and has different nutritional needs. What works one week might need to be changed the next. Babies can have variable breastfeeding sessions, durations and speed as they grow.

The best advice I can give based on my experiences?

• Go in with a positive attitude. Your baby can sense if you are stressed and that will stress them too.
• Drink plenty of water. You aren't just hydrating you, you're using that water to make milk. Trust me, you will get very thirsty. Go with it. Also, eat. Even if you are too tired, eat.
• A support network makes all the difference. Someone to encourage you when it hurts, cheer you on when it works and help out with answers to your many questions. You might have multiple support people, and that will help immensely. Don't be afraid to ask questions and find your own cheer squad.

Medela provides real solutions for breastfeeding mothers to get over any hurdles in the early days and to support their long term breastfeeding goals. Through its extensive range of breast pump products and other breastfeeding products, Medela is committed to promoting the benefits of breast milk and encouraging long term breastfeeding. For more information visit: www.medela.com.au  or say hello on www.facebook.com/medela.au

 

Things not to say when someone tells you "I'm pregnant"

Today I bring you a quick little post. With the gradual release of news about Attila, I've had some absolute corkers from people in response to the announcement. I'm sure they mean it with the best of intentions, but really, there are some terrible cases of foot in mouth out there. I've surveyed some of my friends too, to hear some of the funny responses they've had to their announcement of "I'm pregnant":

1. I've had food babies bigger than that. How far along did you say you are?
2. What? Where is it?! I won't believe it until you show me proof. Do you have an ultrasound or something?
3. Conversely to #1, OMG, you're huge!
4. Wow, was it planned?
5. How on earth will you handle another one?
6. What terrible timing with the changes to maternity leave payments.
7. Again? Already?!
8. Yes, I thought your boobs were looking huge.
9. Oh really? When will you finish work?
    

So, for future reference, there is only really one correct response if someone tells you they're expecting:

Congratulations

 

 

Have you had any odd responses when you broke the news?

Pregnancy - the glitz, the glamour... and the reality

Those prenatal books always talk up the good parts of pregnancy. The glow you supposedly get. The way your hair is supposed to be thicker and lusher. The special attention you and your bump get. Ha! The reality is, none of that happens for me! Glow? More like bad skin for nine months straight, worsening after baby is born due to sleep deprivation. Thick, lush hair? Pffft. Try, lank and stringy, falling out and leaving weird bald patches post birth. Here are some other illusions I've recently had shattered:

• Currently I'm just about half way along with Attila. I'm bigger than usual which means that my balance is off but unfortunately, I'm not big enough to look obviously pregnant. Therefore, I do not get offered a seat on public transport and I feel weird asking for one.  I'm not too angry about it because I understand it's a fine line to draw when you're not sure if someone is really pregnant or just large. Here are some progress shots. Ignore the bathroom background please!

 

• I'm at that awkward clothing stage where nothing fits right. I'm not yet big enough for maternity clothes but regular clothes are starting to look a bit obscene. Draping scarves and longer tops are my friends. Also, anything with an elastic waist. If I could make track pants an accepted fashion statement and suitable for work wear, I'd be doing that too! Going out and formal events are just hard!

• The sheer discomfort of growing... assets. Not that Mr Fork is complaining, but, well, they are larger. And more painful. And maternity bras are just not flattering at all. Also, see my previous point about needing to dress the bump and assets.

• Constantly needing to wee. Yes, it happens. I don't mind so much during the day, but now that it's colder, I definitely mind leaving my snuggly warm bed in the middle of the night due to having a walnut sized bladder. 

• The total lack of energy. My first trimester nausea has (mostly) subsided but I'm still not at my regular levels of activity. On work days, I get home and all I want to do is shower off the day and sleep. Not really possible when I have a hungry toddler and husband who've waited patiently for me. Not to mention that there are Ellie cuddles to be had! Thank goodness for meal planning so I don't have to think too hard. And for takeaway pizza. Thank goodness for that too on the nights I'm too lazy for anything.

• Apparently, Attila is now the size of a sweet potato and I should be feeling movement. Which I totally am! Or it might be gas (yep, that happens too). But I'm pretty sure it's movement. 

• Heartburn. Oh the heartburn! It happens when I don't eat. When I do eat. If I don't eat enough, it feels like my stomach tries to eat itself. When I eat too much there is no room left inside for anything and I spend the next few hours metaphorically rolling around the floor (if I'm at home, sometimes I do roll around the floor and Ellie thinks it's a great game!).

• It's a glamourous business, growing a baby, don't let anyone tell you differently! Of course, the end result is absolutely worth it. Best reason for feeling rotten and going through all that indignity indeed!

Did pregnancy shatter any myths for you? Or have you ever looked forward to something only to find the reality less than the expectations?

What's in my kitchen, June 2014

In my kitchen is... 

Soup! I do love soup, and it's hearty and delicious and fairly quick. We've had pumpkin (from my homegrown kent) and red lentil lately. Both yummy!

In my kitchen is... 

Bacon flavoured bits! What can I say. They're an odd sort of thing to crave but they are vegan and they just go down so nicely... perfect for when I want something to crunch on or add a bit of salty flavour to salads or as a soup topping. They've been really hard to find lately, but I had a craving and was stoked to see them in my local IGA. I had to be restrained from buying in bulk.

In my kitchen is...

Joong. This bowl contains a small number of these delicious glutinous rice dumplings which my MIL made for me. Sometimes called the Asian tamale, in Cantonese we call them joong, but they are also known as zongzi. Traditionally made to celebrate the Dragon Boat festival on the fifth day of the fifth month in the lunar calendar, this batch was made especially vegan for me, and contains peanuts, mung beans and shiitake mushrooms instead of the usual assorted meats and pork. I have to share them with Ellie, but Mr Fork doesn't care for them at all which just means more for us! I'm torn between whether to devour them all or freeze some to savour later (they're quite labour intensive so I don't tend to make them myself). So yummy.

In my kitchen is...

A rogue baby sweet potato. I found this little guy when the hounds wouldn't stop barking. Investigation found them distressed near my sweet potato mound where I had previously planted slips from a potato which I'd failed to eat and had sprouted. The top of this little fellow was exposed and proved to be the 'intruder' they were perplexed about. I dug him out because he was a bit mauled, but I hope the rest of the batch underground get more growing time. Bread tie thingie there for scale.

In my kitchen is...

Capilano honey infused with ginger. I saw this while grocery shopping and thought, why not? Honey isn't something I generally use, but I do make Mr Fork some hot drinks with it in, and this saves me the effort of cutting up fresh ginger to make him honey ginger tea when he gets his bouts of man flu. By all reports, the flavour is fairly decent. They had some other infusions too, I think lemon was one of them.

This month is quite food intensive in my kitchen, and not many things. Although well into second trimester now, I find my energy levels very low, and am spending less time cooking than usual. I've been making things in large batches and either eating them for a few days straight (Ellie and Mr Fork are not fans of this) or freezing portions to bring out another time. When food cravings hit, I tend to want the same thing over and over but I'm conscious that it's the hormones talking and my family doesn't agree. I'm just so tired - Attila is taking up a lot of energy yet stubbornly not producing a bump I can show off properly yet! Hopefully I get my mojo back next month.

I am linking this post in with Fig Jam and Lime Cordial's monthly In My Kitchen event. Go have a peek through other kitchens around the globe!

What's in your kitchen this month?

Attitude? Gratitude! And an announcement

It occurs to me that some of my last posts could maybe be construed as a touch whiny and ungrateful. So I thought I'd write about what is making my toes curl (in a good way) lately:

I'm grateful for family. After a rocky beginning, I can now announce that we are expecting baby Fork 2, due November. It was not an easy first trimester, I was severely morning sick, extremely exhausted and generally feeling like I'd been run over by a truck. Much worse than the first time as this time around I have an active and demanding toddler to contend with too. Hence, as I'm sure this baby is trying to kill me, I've dubbed it Attila the Bun (or, just bun for short, but we say it in Cantonese when we're feeling affectionate). I was holding off on saying anything until I had a decent bump, but here I am, 4 months in and... well... see for yourself.

Bump?

I'm grateful for sales and useful things. While Mr Fork and Ellie were sick last month, I took it upon myself to take her out of the house so that he could get some rest. 

A moment here to recognise now, the effort that cost this exhausted, sleep deprived, nauseous, pregnant, viral infected woman please. Thank you. 

Anyway, one of our trips was to Harbourtown so that a) she could get in some sleep in the car there and back and b) I could fool myself that I was exercising while getting some retail therapy and natural air and light. Anyway, Peter Alexander had 50% off all the marked prices in store. Hello cute winter top and summer top, perfect for feeding in, all for less than $20 together!

I'm grateful for unconditional love and furry snuggles. While we were away over Easter, we had a friend pop in and feed the hounds. She reported that they weren't eating much but seemed in good spirits... then when we got home, they shunned us and refused to look at us directly for some time. Which, frankly, wasn't entirely a bad thing as there were a little ripe smelling. After giving them a bath however, I was ready for cuddles... and they weren't. I'm happy to report they are now back to their snuggly selves and constantly making eye contact again. Toby (who is a reliable bun barometer if ever there was one) has resumed being my constant protector and rarely leaves my side if he has any say in the matter (Toby, like Ellie, is shut out of the toilet, but they both stand guard at the door outside). 

I'm grateful for gifts and for sugary goodness. The platter I wrote about in my April kitchen post was gifted to it's new owner... and she loved it! I am always happy when I give something to someone and I know they truly love it. It was also a lovely kitchen tea and I maybe ate a little bit too much white chocolate macadamia slice (but the bun wanted it!). 

I am grateful for the love of my friends and family. For all my friends and family who reached out when we were all sick and provided help. Whether that was watching Ellie for an hour so that I could nap, calling and checking on us, coming over to help with regular house running chores, or supplying edible goodies when I was too lazy/over it/tired to do it myself. To those who offered to do the above but I told to stay away while we were contagious, thank you too, from the bottom of my heart. To my friends who knew about Attila early and who stepped in when I was too nauseous to even get out of bed and risk standing up. Thank you!

I am grateful for having time to spend with my little girl. The #yesallwomen tag and the response to the Santa Barbara shootings has a big impact me when I read through what people around the world have to say. Yes, men don't often see the harassment that women experience. I think what affects me the most reading through some posts is that really, I had forgotten or just learnt to live with things the way they are, and accept them as normal. I consider myself a strong woman but I too have experienced misogyny both socially and in the workplace. I am grateful that I have the support to make a stand and stick to my values to work in paid part time employment. As I've spoken about before, life is a juggling act, and despite the raised eyebrows and the judgey looks I sometimes get for my choices to put my family first, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Early days but... those smiles!

What are you grateful for lately?