Dear Jimmy: Today you are 9 months old

I don't usually do these sorts of posts, but this is my last week of maternity leave and I'm feeling a bit emotional about going back to work and leaving Jimmy with someone who isn't me.

Dear Jimmy,

Today you are nine months old. You have now been on the outside longer than you were on the inside (by four days!). This photo was taken a few hours before you were born. I was 38+3 days pregnant and complaining about how uncomfortable I was at the most pregnant I had ever been. I'd tried a lot to encourage you to arrive, but you had your own schedule in mind.

You are standing now, and trying to walk by pushing things around the house. Ellie walked the week before her first birthday - I predict you will do it sooner. You babble constantly, although you have yet to say any recognisable words.

You are sleeping better (by your standards) and you're pretty consistent with timings now: in bed by 7pm, awake for a nurse around 11pm and 2am. You wake up with a roar at 5am and refuse to go back to sleep even though 5am is cold and dark. As soon as daddy picks you up and puts you in bed with me, you crawl over and raspberry my face. It's extremely cute if I overlook the fact that I wake up covered in your slobber. You often try to eat my face. I tell myself this is you learning to kiss me.

Your big sister adores you, and I know you adore her too, because when she comes near you, your eyes follow her around the room. You are the perfect pair - she is my picky eating child, and you devour what she will not. She loves nothing better than to shower you with kisses (and yes, occasionally she sits on you, but you don't seem to mind that too much).

You have two teeth now; you still think you can eat anything and usually you do. Your favourite things to eat are pear, banana, broccoli, avocado and biscuits. You might well turn out to be my vegetarian child after all! Of course, you are still an absolute breastmilk monster, which completely thrills me after all our troubles to establish nursing. Since you refuse to take a bottle or a cup, I will be pumping at work and asking your carers to stir it into your food while I can't be there with you.

You are so smiley. You love anything that makes music. You can't stand to be too far away from me so I have become accustomed to cooking while you systematically pull everything out of the cupboard I have allocated to you. You are still happiest when you are touching me and I am happy to oblige by wearing you often. I don't know how I will cope while I am at work and no longer the absolute centre of your universe.

In the nine months you have been with me, I have forgotten that I am a separate person to you, just as you will soon have to learn that you are a separate person from me.

The past nine months have been some of the hardest, and most sleep deprived of my life. Although sometimes your daddy gets demonstrably cross when you won't go to sleep, we both love you anyway. Thank you for choosing me to be your mama.

All my love,
mama

My pregnancy wardrobe essentials - styling the bump

I wanted to write about my wardrobe tips for pregnancy. Specifically, this probably relates more to the type of clothes that I wear to work, because when I'm home, I like to dress comfortably, and that means tracksuit or yoga pants and tops that may be slightly indecent for public view given my expanding girth.

I'm one of those people who are pretty frugal, and if I can help it, I'm not going to buy something specifically for maternity wear (unless I get it for an absolute steal of course). I'm more the sort of person who will wear regular clothes for as long as possible, and then when/if I absolutely have to, I'll go buy something cheap in a larger than normal size, but still from a regular store. Maternity wear is expensive ok, and if I can't make use of it after the nine baby-carrying months, I lose interest.

So, having said all of that, these are some of my favourite essential items I've been wearing to style the bump to date. I'm midway through week 29 now, and don't anticipate I'll need to change my dress style too much to accommodate the remaining pregnancy countdown.

The wrap tops

I have the one above from Abi and Joseph and it was worth the hefty price tag ($129 when I bought it). First of all, wrap tops are incredibly flattering. It's versatile, and to help cover the expanding assets I can also wear it with a singlet underneath for extra modesty. The wrap style means it's great as Attila grows because I can tie it to suit, and the fact that it's 100% merino means it's both warm and cool as required. It can also do double duty post baby as I imagine it'll be great for feeding in too.

Sweater dress (or tunic dresses)

The one pictured was sent to me by Mesop. It's the 'Wild World Sweater dress', and I almost fell over when I saw the price tag was $189. Then I looked closer at the dress. It's 100% merino and so soft and drapy. It's also not a maternity dress, but because of the stretchy, soft fabric, it can definitely cope with an expanding bump. Both of my babies have been due in Spring, so I have had winter pregnancies, which I am grateful for, as it allows me the flexibility to layer. This dress is great on it's own, or paired with some leggings for extra warmth. I love it a lot, and it's super flattering on.

I've got a couple of others that are lovely as well, without the price tag. Watch out when shopping because what you don't want is what I will dub the 'potato sack' tunic dress. Find something a little bit special, with a little bit of shape - that always helps me to feel more stylish.

Singlets

Alright, I may have bought something maternity specific here, but I was thinking ahead for feeding purposes. I got mine from Sorella and Me, and who could resist something made with organic cotton and so flattering and that it can be worn pre, during and post pregnancy? It's super versatile and I use it for layering under tops while it's cold, but I also plan on packing it in my hospital bag as well because it's super convenient for feeding in too with the button up neckline.

I have others (non maternity) that I got from Kmart for about $4 which are also awesome - just plain spaghetti strap ones which are fairly long so good for layering as well.

Cute flats

I don't own the above ones exactly, but I have several pairs that are similar. I don't know if it happens to everyone, but my feet swell when I'm pregnant. It happens gradually so I don't really notice until I am the same width from my knees to my toes, but it definitely happens. So, I tend to reserve a subset of shoes for pregnancy wear. I live in cute flats or sandals, and just rotate through them. I'm sad to say by the time Attila is born, all my pregnancy shoes will be too stretched for me (or anyone else) to wear again, so they'll get binned. Still, decent shoes are a pregnancy essential as your poor feet need to carry a bit of extra weight for awhile. I like to trawl around the outlet stores for good brands at reduced prices.

Leggings, tights and socks (similar to those pictured)

Look, let's be honest here. No matter how comfortable a pair of leggings/tights is, they will stretch as your belly grows, so there is no need to get expensive items here. Don't even buy them from a maternity section.  You're after things that will add versatility to your dresses or for modesty under an oversized shirt, or just plain fun under pants (who cares if no one sees them?!). I like to buy mine from Big W or asos, depending on who has the best deal or whether I can wait for postage. I kept the ones I wore while pregnant with Ellie, and they looked ludicrous over the small Attila-bump. So we're talking cheap and comfortable consumables here... although to be perfectly frank, I will probably re-purpose them for staking up my tomatoes when they're too holy and stretched to be decent.

Not pictured, but definitely recommended:

Various scarves, brooches, chunky jewellery and belts. These help to shape an outfit, drape over overexposed cleavage and generally help take the focus off my belly when I don't want to show it off.

How do you 'style your bump'? Am I missing anything?

Attitude? Gratitude! And an announcement

It occurs to me that some of my last posts could maybe be construed as a touch whiny and ungrateful. So I thought I'd write about what is making my toes curl (in a good way) lately:

I'm grateful for family. After a rocky beginning, I can now announce that we are expecting baby Fork 2, due November. It was not an easy first trimester, I was severely morning sick, extremely exhausted and generally feeling like I'd been run over by a truck. Much worse than the first time as this time around I have an active and demanding toddler to contend with too. Hence, as I'm sure this baby is trying to kill me, I've dubbed it Attila the Bun (or, just bun for short, but we say it in Cantonese when we're feeling affectionate). I was holding off on saying anything until I had a decent bump, but here I am, 4 months in and... well... see for yourself.

Bump?

I'm grateful for sales and useful things. While Mr Fork and Ellie were sick last month, I took it upon myself to take her out of the house so that he could get some rest. 

A moment here to recognise now, the effort that cost this exhausted, sleep deprived, nauseous, pregnant, viral infected woman please. Thank you. 

Anyway, one of our trips was to Harbourtown so that a) she could get in some sleep in the car there and back and b) I could fool myself that I was exercising while getting some retail therapy and natural air and light. Anyway, Peter Alexander had 50% off all the marked prices in store. Hello cute winter top and summer top, perfect for feeding in, all for less than $20 together!

I'm grateful for unconditional love and furry snuggles. While we were away over Easter, we had a friend pop in and feed the hounds. She reported that they weren't eating much but seemed in good spirits... then when we got home, they shunned us and refused to look at us directly for some time. Which, frankly, wasn't entirely a bad thing as there were a little ripe smelling. After giving them a bath however, I was ready for cuddles... and they weren't. I'm happy to report they are now back to their snuggly selves and constantly making eye contact again. Toby (who is a reliable bun barometer if ever there was one) has resumed being my constant protector and rarely leaves my side if he has any say in the matter (Toby, like Ellie, is shut out of the toilet, but they both stand guard at the door outside). 

I'm grateful for gifts and for sugary goodness. The platter I wrote about in my April kitchen post was gifted to it's new owner... and she loved it! I am always happy when I give something to someone and I know they truly love it. It was also a lovely kitchen tea and I maybe ate a little bit too much white chocolate macadamia slice (but the bun wanted it!). 

I am grateful for the love of my friends and family. For all my friends and family who reached out when we were all sick and provided help. Whether that was watching Ellie for an hour so that I could nap, calling and checking on us, coming over to help with regular house running chores, or supplying edible goodies when I was too lazy/over it/tired to do it myself. To those who offered to do the above but I told to stay away while we were contagious, thank you too, from the bottom of my heart. To my friends who knew about Attila early and who stepped in when I was too nauseous to even get out of bed and risk standing up. Thank you!

I am grateful for having time to spend with my little girl. The #yesallwomen tag and the response to the Santa Barbara shootings has a big impact me when I read through what people around the world have to say. Yes, men don't often see the harassment that women experience. I think what affects me the most reading through some posts is that really, I had forgotten or just learnt to live with things the way they are, and accept them as normal. I consider myself a strong woman but I too have experienced misogyny both socially and in the workplace. I am grateful that I have the support to make a stand and stick to my values to work in paid part time employment. As I've spoken about before, life is a juggling act, and despite the raised eyebrows and the judgey looks I sometimes get for my choices to put my family first, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Early days but... those smiles!

What are you grateful for lately?

The one in which I post some randomness

Life has been busy lately. It's actually been a whole lot of busy with a little bit of life thrown in. Sometimes things are just like that right? I do admit I long for a bit of excitement when things are slow, but then I wish things would just relax a bit when life moves too fast. Can't win!

I had to go to Sydney for work for a few nights, so Mr Fork and Ellie were left to fend for themselves. In a fit of mama guilt just before leaving, I baked her a another batch of apple and cinnamon wacky cakes and made sure Mr Fork had enough meals available so they wouldn't starve. I needn't have bothered; they were well able to fend for themselves.

This was my hotel room view while I was away. Nice right?

Night view

Morning view

Unfortunately, I sleep terribly in hotel beds, so despite a nice cushy mattress and mounds of pillows to myself I didn't really rest well at all. Which didn't really bode well for my teaching style while I was there, as I fear I took my tired and grumpy out on people who didn't deserve it.

However! It was nice to have some time away and even nicer to come home to cuddles from my little family, who obligingly fetched me from the airport.

So now, life is settling back into our routine, I have a home day to spend with my sweet Ellie today. We are going to a water park for morning tea and to play with friends, then we will have lunch, nap and have afternoon tea somewhere nice.

I'm looking forward to having some weekend time to bake and restock the freezer for those times when we need to eat and I just don't have the energy to cook anything.

What sort of things do you make at those occasions?

J for Juggling

Sometimes I think that motherhood is one intricate juggling act. It's a delicate balance of making sure there is enough of you to go around while being a super mum, a loving wife, a strong career woman, a good friend and trying to get a little personal time in there as well. But can we really have it all? And if we can, is it even worth it?

Before baby, I worked as an IT consultant. I did, and still do love my job. I worked long hours. When clients said jump, I said how high, and worked the time needed to deliver exceptional results. I would travel all the time, and happily live out of a suitcase and eat hotel meals for months. And then I got pregnant. And I had Ellie. Suddenly my priorities changed. We never had titles where I work. We fill whatever role needed, whether that was a manager, a tester, an analyst or something else. Now, as I tell everyone, the title that gives me the most pride and joy is "mama".

Coming back to work was a huge adjustment. A spot at daycare came up when Ellie was seven months old and I took it, because everyone knows you don't turn down your daycare of choice. I'm not going to lie, there were tears from her, and lots from me too. It was really hard to leave her with someone else after I'd spent the last seven months living and breathing her. It was really hard to come back to work while I was still breastfeeding and deal with everything that involved, from logistics through to clothing. It was excruciating not being able to see my mother's group whenever I wanted, as we splintered into the 'mamas who work' and 'mamas who don't' groups. It was just a frame of reference as those who hadn't gone back to work didn't really understand what it meant. It was hard to hear about what the mamas at home were doing when I was at work away from my baby.

I'll be honest though. It wasn't all doom and gloom. At work, I get to mentally stretch myself. I get to eat my lunch without sharing, and I get to go to the toilet whenever I want without someone trying to unroll all the toilet paper. I can leave the room and no one screams in outrage and demands to be carried. However, I don't really travel now, although I have done a couple of short trips for a few nights. In those cases, I Facetime with Mr Fork so I can talk to Ellie when she wakes and before bed. I don't work the long hours anymore, and I don't go to as many functions as quite frankly, I'd rather be home spending quality time with my family. So life has changed. Obviously for the better!

Mr Fork and the hounds are very understanding, as a change in my routine inevitably means a change in theirs. We have all had to make adjustments and take extra responsibility to make it happen. At the beginning we were all so exhausted that we would practically fall asleep in our dinner (which we all would eat at separate times anyway). Now, we have it down pat. I will get Ellie going for the day and we will eat breakfast together while Mr Fork works out and then gets ready for work. He will dress Ellie and help brush her teeth while I get ready. When I'm ready, I will pack her daycare bag and he will go to work. Ellie and I play at home and then we're out the door by 7:15. Mr Fork picks her up at 4:30, empties her dirty nappy bucket and gives her a bath. If he gets time, he will start dinner based on our meal plan or I do it when I get home around 5:30 on a good day. Somehow everyone is fed in the storm of evening activity, and Ellie is in bed by 7. Then we have a chat and catch up on our day. Rinse and repeat each day.

I am back at work 3 days a week, and I resent it when someone says I only work three days. No, actually, I work full time, seven days a week. I only get paid for three of them. I know which days are my favourite ones though.

Life is very busy now, in ways I never expected. People think that on my days off, I can swan off to the hairdressers and just get things done. I can't. My day works around Ellie's routine. Let me tell you, my 14 month old wouldn't sit still long enough to let me get my hair dressed. I can't take her lots of places for the same reason. My days not at work are spent playing with Ellie, because that's her job and because I enjoy watching her discover new things. There is no *me* time and some days, I breathe a sigh of pure relief when Mr Fork comes home. Some days I wonder where all the time went because it just speeds by. 

Look at that face! Why would I want to miss moments like this?

Weekends we have swimming lessons and then commitments vary. This time of year is very busy with lots of social gatherings bus usually weekend days are a little more relaxed. I sometimes even get to spend a few extra minutes in bed while Mr Fork entertains Ellie and brings me a coffee. Those few minutes help me keep sane and remember that I am more than a wife and a mother and an employee. It reminds me to take a few moments and just focus on me. And, it's lovely. But nowhere near as lovely as cuddles from my husband, child and furbabies. Life might be busy, and it might be a big juggling act, but I wouldn't swap it for anything.

How do you juggle everything that needs to happen in your life? Do you have help?

C for Career

I always thought that I'd be one of those women who had it all – the career, the baby – with ease. As an IT consultant, before baby, I used to travel a lot. I'm talking being away from home for over half a year. When I met Mr Fork, I was working in Sydney and coming back to Brisbane on the weekends. The first year of dating, we probably really only spent a couple of weeks together all up. When the travel lightened up and we started to cohabit, things got really interesting. I'm the die hard vegetarian (vegan at home) while he's the raging carnivore. I like to curl up with a good book and he likes to watch TV and mindlessly flip through the channels. I like to cycle, he turns green at the thought of getting on a bike. But we bond over a shared love of dancing, noodle dishes and The Big Bang Theory to name a few things.

We weren't trying to fall pregnant, but we weren't not trying either. We were delighted to find out we were going to have a baby and our little bean was loved as soon as we knew she was coming. In fact, our dogs knew I was pregnant before we did, morphing into clingy little furballs who couldn't get close enough to me. When I started to show, they loved lying against my tummy and taking turns with my daughter to kick each other through my tummy. That was fun, but they loved her before she was born too.

Happy family, Mr Fork remaining mysterious

I went back to work part time after 7 months off and things definitely changed. I'm not the dedicated worker that I once was. My company has never had titles for employees, so over the years I've been whatever I needed to be to get the job done: tester, project lead, senior consultant, trainer. Now, the title that brings me the most satisfaction? Mummy. I often tell me colleagues that I have a full time job and I come in to paid employment to have a break from it. It's a real treat getting to eat my lunch without sharing, leave the room without anyone screaming and use the bathroom whenever I want to!

My eyes have really been opened coming back to work though. It's not as easy as I thought it would be. I get lots of looks as I pack up to leave at 5pm so that I get home in time to have dinner and cuddles with Ellie. I put up with comments like "she's a great consultant BUT she only works three days a week" or "so you only work 3 days a week and do nothing the rest of the time?" It's very hard to bite my tongue and not invite them over to do "nothing" with me.

 

Pumping at work was a challenge. It's difficult to find clothes that look business like but don't flash milk engorged breasts. Many businesses don't understand the legal requirements of breastfeeding mothers too, and often the facilities provided are not adequate or you're left with only a toilet as an option.

So yes, my eyes have been opened. I suppose also my priorities have changed, but being on the other side of the fence, I understand how hard it is to be a working mother. There is very little flexibility or understanding of my new life, especially in my very male dominated industry. With the election approaching, politicians are trying to win votes with their maternity leave policy, but that's only for the first six months of a child's life. If I ever win the lotto, I want to start a company where women are encouraged to return to work. With flexible working arrangements, a child friendly office location, onsite day care, and generous company maternity leave and return to work policies.

What about you? Does your workplace make it easy to be a working mum?

"Breast is best" but guilt and shame are unnecessary

Before I had a child, I assumed that motherhood would be instinctual, breastfeeding would come naturally and that it would be easy. I was wrong. My daughter was born early, borderline premature with severe jaundice.  We were in and out of hospital in those first days because although we'd been sent home, she wasn't latching well and needed light therapy to help clear that jaundice.

In hospital I was asked to sign a form saying I agreed to formula if I couldn't produce enough milk. I just wanted her to get well so I signed what was put in front of me. My milk hadn't come in properly and I struggled. I felt like a jersey cow – when she wouldn't latch, she was bottle fed, and later fed through a nasal tube when she refused the bottle. I was asked to a pump every two hours. Mostly, she was fed expressed breast milk, but she needed so much to help clear the jaundice that we needed formula top ups.  It was heartbreaking to see my tiny baby in that blue-lighted crib with her little white sunglasses, struggling to drink enough to clear that horrible yellow colour.  I was sure when we got home the breastfeeding would come easier.

After the stint in hospital, little miss preferred the bottle. I persevered, wanting to nurse her and be the one to provide her nourishment. I wanted that bond and I wanted to be the 'perfect' breastfeeding mother. We saw lactation consultants to help with latching; they commended my efforts to feed and recommended new techniques, nipple shields and lots of skin to skin time.  I ate lactation cookies galore and stuffed myself with milk boosting herbs. I don't know how it is for other mothers, but as a new mum there was no way I was getting mostly naked to feed in public so I'd make sure I had bottles of expressed milk ready to go. My daughter had nipple confusion switching between bottles, my breast and the shields. My supply suffered with her poor latch, so I started to express regularly at home to boost supply and build up a store of breast milk for my baby so she could have the benefits of breast milk even if it wasn’t directly from me. Nipple shields and my breast pump were a huge help. Progress was slow and steady, but the stress of trying to feed, then expressing wasn't helping our family and so we made the decision to not exclusively breast feed and to supplement with formula.

I cried when I saw what was written on the formula tub. Yes, breast is best, but for many reasons, some women can't breastfeed or don't have the supply and need a little help. I was embarrassed to get a bottle out in public as I felt people were judging me, regardless of whether it contained expressed milk or formula. Yes, it's a shame I can't feed my daughter exclusively from my breasts but I am not ashamed (anymore). We persevered, and we continued to breastfeed in conjunction with formula - as she got bigger, her latch got better and breastfeeding was not the painful, dreaded experience it was in the beginning. In fact, I love feeding her, and I look forward to our bonding time when her little hands pat my skin and she gazes into my eyes.

Now that I'm back at work, I want to continue to allow her breast milk as long as she wants it. While that is easy when I'm home and with her, it's not so simple when she's in daycare. I have to pump at work, at least once a day to maintain my supply. This brings a whole new level of difficulties. All of the rooms in our office are glass walled, so our receptionist has papered one with A3 paper for me to "extract" in, as my manager put it. There is no lock on the door so I have to trust that people will respect the 'do not disturb' sign outside. It has been joked that I should put my own sign up - "breast out, extraction in progress" and see how that goes. The tech nerd in me would also appreciate an in progress bar on that sign! I then have to carry my pump and bottle of breast milk back through the office, wash the pump out and discreetly hide my milk in the fridge. Yet, I do this willingly for Ellie, and for me too if I'm honest.

I love being a mother. No one told me it was going to be so hard or it wouldn't come naturally, but the look on my daughter's face when she wakes up and sees me, or feeds and manages a successful latch is priceless. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, but also the best. We mothers need to support each other and not judge - being a new mum is hard enough without all the pressure from ourselves or anyone else.  I know I’m not the only new mum who's dealt with feeding challenges, and I know it’s kind of a personal topic. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share my story like this, but if I can help others going through something similar to feel a bit less guilt, then it's worth putting it out there.

Top tips for the working mum

Now that I'm back in the workforce again, I've realised that I can't just slip back into the position I used to have. Sure, legally I am doing just that, but in reality, it's not possible. I'm not the same person I was when I last held this job - I have added responsibilities now, and commitments which mean I can't spend the hours that I used to at work.

Here are my top tips for the working mum:

Be organised. I am not even kidding here. I am up feeding at 5am or earlier. I may have even had overnight awakenings. I then need to make sure her daycare bag is packed, my work day bag is packed, I have breakfast, my lunch is packed, I don't forget the breast pump and other related doodads, I look respectable in something without baby spew, my hair and makeup is done, eye bags are covered... well, you get the picture.  All of this needs to happen before I'm out the door at 7:15. I drop her at daycare, find a park, then get the bus in to work. Depending on where my client is located, I might drive but most often it's the bus. Getting out that door on time takes a lot of effort. I try to do a lot of the preparation the night before. I have lists on the refrigerator to help me remember what I need to do. This leads nicely into my next tip.

Don't be afraid to ask for help. That's right. You don't need to be super mum. You just need to be good-enough mum for the most part and spectacular mum when it matters (for me that's snuggling, story time and meals). When people offer help, take them up on the offer - they wouldn't ask if they didn't mean it. This goes for new mums too, a lesson that I learnt too late. When people come to visit the baby and ask if there is something they can do, say yes! They want to feel useful. Let them make tea, do the washing up, hold baby so you can shower and use the toilet. Going back to work, use the help you have available. I've delegated things to Mr Fork because he offered to help me (alright, I strongly hinted, then demanded he help). I've delegated things to colleagues when they offer assistance. They know I'd do the same for them when they need a hand. I've told daycare what they can do to help me and bless them, they do (of course, I'm paying them handsomely so maybe that doesn't count).

Know your rights. I had a heck of a time organising my return to work. I won't go into it because it's not relevant, but I will say, know what your rights are. You are entitled to have lactation breaks at work. You are entitled to specific amenities to do so. You are entitled to work the hours your contract says you should. Don't be put off by the sly looks when you walk out the door right on finish time because you need to do the day care pick up run. People don't necessarily know what work you do. You might sit on the bus answering emails. You might have started at sparrow fart in the am already. You might go home and work extra hours after baby is asleep. There is always more to the story than face value.

Sell yourself. That's right, you had a baby and that's a fabulous achievement but while you were at home raising a tiny human, the work world went on without you. Let the relevant people know you're back! Be active on social media if that's your thing. Reply to emails in a timely manner. Read relevant industry articles so you're across what's been happening in discussions. Be enthusiastic, especially about yourself. People will respond to that.

Not everyone wants to see photos of your child. Yes, you did a marvellous job and created a fabulous person. It's hard to leave that baby behind while you're at work. Of course you have an entire smart phone full of photos. And printed ones in your wallet. And home movies saved on your computer. Of course you're entitled to brag a little about your child. Once. Only if people ask. Some people just aren't into pretending to admire the fifteen different pictures you have from microscopically different angles. That's fine, I feel the same about car pictures. Don't be offended, just put a photo discreetly on your desk so you can look at your child and remember the whole reason you're back at work in the first place.

Don't let the non important things get in the way of the important. Really. Remember why you're working. You're working so that you keep your skills current. So that you have some adult conversation in your day. So that you're setting a positive example for your baby - they can see you're a strong independent woman with a life outside of the home. You're working to make a contribution financially to the household. But don't let work become the most important thing. Remember why you're at work and what your priorities are.

Be there 100%. Whether that is at home or at work. I remember reading some studies that said children didn't really remember how much time parents spent at work. What they did remember was the time that was spent with them. So, when I'm home, I make sure that 100% of my focus is on Miss E. I'm not checking emails while I'm playing with her - I'm letting myself enjoy the time that I have with my child. Similarly, when I'm at work, I try not to let myself get caught up in home tasks and thoughts, and I give myself 100% to the task I'm being paid to do. It's definitely hard, especially in this age of smart phones and push technology, but when you're home, would you rather be doing work or spending time with your baby?  Exactly.

Know when to say 'no'. I don't have to tell you what a hard job being a parent is. To add to that, you're back at work where people don't care that you're a parent, they just care that you get your job done. You don't want to let either side down, so know your limits. Yes, you want to get ahead and you want to promote yourself, but be realistic about what you can achieve. It's alright to say no sometimes.

Tell me, do you have any tips for the returning-to-work mum? Do you work with any mothers and wish you could give them advice? I'd love to hear it in the comments!