Today, you turn one

Jimmy, today you are one. Well, technically, tonight you will be one, but we can celebrate now.

It's been a crazy year.

I can count on one hand the number of times you have slept through the night. And I mean that in the traditional "a sleep through for a baby is anything longer than 5 hours" logic. Since I also had chronic insomnia at the end of my pregnancy, do you know what that means little man? It means that I haven't had a decent night sleep in over a year. That's a long time sweetheart. Any time you want to sleep a little longer, I'm all for it. I'm sure your daddy can attest that I'm not my best (nor is he) without good sleep!

You still aren't walking, but you're really close. You will take the occasional independent step, but you don't trust your legs to fight against gravity yet. That's ok. There will be plenty of time to run later.

You love food. As in, you get a serious case of "hangry" if I don't get something edible in front of you pronto. And forget feeding you, you are all about doing it yourself. You have nearly brained the ever hopeful hounds multiple times throwing your bowl/spoon/fork/cup as they mill hopefully under your chair for the inevitable scraps. Your favourite foods at the moment are blueberries, edamame, watermelon, fruity sourdough, pasta, and stolen licks of frozen iceblocks. It's amazing really considering you still only have two teeth (and about 8 more all reallllly close to cutting through, Mr Grumpy!). Oh, and you love your milk. Lots of milk!

Your favourite place to be is with mama. As soon as I walk into a room, your eyes fix on me. If I'm not speedy coming to greet you, you wail and crawl on over to throw yourself at me. As though I had forgotten you or something (like I could!). You need to be constantly touched; you're a real limpet baby. It's ok, you're only this little for such a short while, I love the snuggles. Mostly. I'm a little over the fact that no matter how many soft silky things I offer, your favourite comfort item is my hair. No style is Jimmy-proof and my ends suffer for it. Lucky for baby wearing, otherwise your poor sister would never get any attention.

Speaking of hair, yours is so fine and light that there isn't enough volume or weight to hold it down so it just grows vertically. I love it, even if your one majestically long hair has now been absorbed into all the others. Your grandparents want to shave your head (as they wanted to do at your red egg celebration) to encourage it to grow back thicker and darker. We aren't talking a buzz cut here but really shave, down to the skull with a razor. I don't know how that would happen as you're so wriggly, but I have said we can have that discussion after your birthday, however, (not so secretly) I hope the idea falls by the wayside.

You aren't speaking much yet, but you understand a lot, I can tell. In fact, you respond to both Cantonese and English, and you're already more fluent than your mama you clever boy!

I had real problems thinking of what to get your for your first birthday. You don't want for things, and your sister is so good at sharing her toys with you. Your favourite thing to play with at the moment is an old birthday card of mine. It's one that plays sounds when opened (sheep noises) and you spend ages opening and shutting it and baaaa-ing right back at those sheep.

You're growing up to be such a lovely little human full of personality and fierce determination to get what you want. It's been a lovely (sleep deprived) year.

Love, mama 

Five things I need every day

They say all you need is love. Well, that's all well and good, but to make my day run smoothly, I need a few extra things in it too. Here are my top 5 daily needs:

1. Coffee. I just have one a day, but it has to be a good one. No instant stuff. I buy beans from my favourite coffee roaster and make my brew with a plunger, then a dash of soy or almond milk. Once I've had my coffee, the day can start properly.

2. Cuddles. I am a tactile person. I love snuggling and cuddling and holding hands and being touched. Except when Jimmy wants to touch me all. the. time. Then I get over it quickly and start to feel touched out. Still... tactile affection is a winner. This picture makes me smile every time I see it. Jimmy crawled up after his feed and thought this was a perfectly acceptable way to fall asleep. I just love his chubby little arm cuddling my head!

3. Touch free time. Much as I love my babies, being constantly needed by someone, constantly touched, constantly on guard in case they get into trouble... it's draining. I definitely need a few minutes of time to myself each day, usually at night before bed. I have quiet time, read a book, catch up on emails and news, and just unwind from the day.

4. Movement. Working in IT, and having a baby to nurse, huge parts of my day are spent sitting down. When I can, I like to get out and move. This could mean I take the kids to the park. Or I find some great tunes and we all dance like mad things around the house. More trivially, I might get off the bus a stop or two early and walk a bit more. I just feel better if I've gotten up and done some exercise for the day.

5. Order. The state of my house, in particular the kitchen, often reflects the state of my mind and moods. I can't feel restful and calm if I'm surrounded by mess and disorder. I don't need things to be spotless, that's an impossibility with small children, but I need things to be tidy and ordered. Before I go to sleep of a night, I make sure I've done a quick whip around the house to make sure toys are put away, discarded clothes are in the laundry, dishes are done and the kitchen, dining and lounge rooms are looking presentable. I feel much better if I wake up and I'm not presented with a huge visual list of things I was too lazy to do the previous day!

So that's what helps me have a good day. Do you have any things you need to make sure your day is the best it can be?

Servicing the car

Yesterday I had to take the car in for it's scheduled service. Luckily for me, they're close by. Unluckily, they didn't have a way to transport me, Ellie and Jimmy home in the courtesy bus since we needed two car seats, nor did they have someone free who could drive us home in our car then take it back with them.

When I say close by, my Fitbit tells me it was 1.5km. Which isn't really that much... when you're an adult and can walk at your own pace. However, when you are also trying to get the toddler who walks at a snail's pace and the baby who doesn't walk yet home too, the task becomes somewhat more difficult. Cue babywearing for the win!

Both my children have hated the stroller and refused to sit placidly in it. They scream blue murder if I try to put them into it, so, I suppose that gives me a good excuse to buy all the wraps! I packed two to take with me, just in case I'd have to carry them both home. Luckily, I didn't though, as both of them together currently weigh about half of what I do! Ellie was happy enough to walk alongside me and, bless her, stop to look at and comment on every little thing of interest we passed on the way home. Here is a sample of all the "beautiful flowers mama!" (weeds) she asked me to photograph for her...

Jimmy was wrapped cozily onto me, and when he got tired of looking around and chewing my sunglasses, dozed off against me. Is there anything sweeter than a snoring baby and a walk in the sun with a toddler who thinks everything is amazing?

No.

Thank you, babywearing. By the way, for those interested, the wrap I'm wearing here is a Didymos Inka, 100% cotton. It's lovely and floppy now and the size 4 is perfect for me to do front carries and if I wrap precisely, a double hammock or ruck on my back.

On the flip side, how awesome would it be if services could be a little flexible and help out mothers a little instead of sticking rigidly to company guidelines!?

Do you babywear? What has it helped you get done lately?

Dear Jimmy: Today you are 9 months old

I don't usually do these sorts of posts, but this is my last week of maternity leave and I'm feeling a bit emotional about going back to work and leaving Jimmy with someone who isn't me.

Dear Jimmy,

Today you are nine months old. You have now been on the outside longer than you were on the inside (by four days!). This photo was taken a few hours before you were born. I was 38+3 days pregnant and complaining about how uncomfortable I was at the most pregnant I had ever been. I'd tried a lot to encourage you to arrive, but you had your own schedule in mind.

You are standing now, and trying to walk by pushing things around the house. Ellie walked the week before her first birthday - I predict you will do it sooner. You babble constantly, although you have yet to say any recognisable words.

You are sleeping better (by your standards) and you're pretty consistent with timings now: in bed by 7pm, awake for a nurse around 11pm and 2am. You wake up with a roar at 5am and refuse to go back to sleep even though 5am is cold and dark. As soon as daddy picks you up and puts you in bed with me, you crawl over and raspberry my face. It's extremely cute if I overlook the fact that I wake up covered in your slobber. You often try to eat my face. I tell myself this is you learning to kiss me.

Your big sister adores you, and I know you adore her too, because when she comes near you, your eyes follow her around the room. You are the perfect pair - she is my picky eating child, and you devour what she will not. She loves nothing better than to shower you with kisses (and yes, occasionally she sits on you, but you don't seem to mind that too much).

You have two teeth now; you still think you can eat anything and usually you do. Your favourite things to eat are pear, banana, broccoli, avocado and biscuits. You might well turn out to be my vegetarian child after all! Of course, you are still an absolute breastmilk monster, which completely thrills me after all our troubles to establish nursing. Since you refuse to take a bottle or a cup, I will be pumping at work and asking your carers to stir it into your food while I can't be there with you.

You are so smiley. You love anything that makes music. You can't stand to be too far away from me so I have become accustomed to cooking while you systematically pull everything out of the cupboard I have allocated to you. You are still happiest when you are touching me and I am happy to oblige by wearing you often. I don't know how I will cope while I am at work and no longer the absolute centre of your universe.

In the nine months you have been with me, I have forgotten that I am a separate person to you, just as you will soon have to learn that you are a separate person from me.

The past nine months have been some of the hardest, and most sleep deprived of my life. Although sometimes your daddy gets demonstrably cross when you won't go to sleep, we both love you anyway. Thank you for choosing me to be your mama.

All my love,
mama

Baby massage: our experience

I have mentioned before that Jimmy is not an easy baby. Prior to correction of his tongue and lip ties, he would wake around the clock every 1.5 to 2 hours. He also had digestive issues and was quite gassy and uncomfortable. After correction, he still wakes quite often, but thankfully not as much as before. I would call it a good night if I only had to get up to him twice, but it could be as many as six times some nights. I could probably count on one hand the times that he has slept through the night since birth (I count a sleep through as five hours), and he is just over eight months old now.

He has always been a difficult baby compared to Ellie. She was calm and would melt against you, and was quite happy to sleep alone, for decent stretches of time. Not my little man. He is quite a tense baby, and I find it very hard to help him soothe and settle on his own. This is why I do wear him a lot, but it's becoming a concern for me as I will go back to work soon, and I would love for him to be more relaxed without relying on me quite so much.

I've heard lots of good things about infant massage, so when Deb from Maternal Touch Baby and Kids Massage told me about her upcoming massage for digestive relief course, I was very interested.

The one hour class with Deb was a great bonding experience for Jimmy and I. Deb was enthusiastic, supportive and understanding. She explained the reasons for each part of the massage and demonstrated the techniques with patience and obvious knowledge. When Jimmy was distracted or wanted to feed, Deb encouraged me to attend to him and reassured me that it was not a problem. I learned ways that I could calm my baby when he was uncomfortable, and also a few relaxation techniques as well. At all times, Deb was really respectful of Jimmy and making sure he was comfortable with what we were doing.

After the course, Jimmy was so relaxed that he transferred beautifully from the car to the cot and then proceeded to nap for three hours. This is absolutely unheard of for him - I'd usually be lucky to get a transfer from the car and when sleeping, a single sleep cycle, maybe two if I got to his room in time to settle him before he fully woke.

zzzzzz

That night, he went to sleep at 7pm as he has done his entire life. He did wake briefly at 9pm but settled quickly and then... he slept through until 5am when I desperately had to wake him for a feed. This was the first time ever that this has happened. It was like a miracle, as for the first time since he was born, I got to sleep for longer than a three hour stretch. I felt like a well rested, new woman.

Since then, I have been doing the digestive and relaxation massage techniques daily. I've had some glorious nights of sleep, and some not so good nights too, but to be fair, Jimmy has also cut his first tooth, so some discomfort and waking is totally expected. He's a baby, and I do admit to generally loving our night time snuggles as well, even if he is so very cheeky during the day!

Baby massage is a fascinating aspect of infant health, and research has shown that it can help to:

• reduce baby's crying time
• assist sleep, sleep patterns, settling and soothing abilities
• improve wind, reflux and constipation
• reduce stress hormones in children and their parents
• enhance physical and motor skills

I'm so glad that I tried it out and I am loving the bonding time with Jimmy. Ellie has even been asking me to do it for her too, and of course I'm happy to oblige. I'd always touched and massaged my children but it was very good to learn some formal techniques and of course, I was over the moon with Jimmy's immediate results!

*Disclaimer: I attended the course as a guest of Maternal Touch Baby and Kids Massage, however I was not obliged to write this review and all opinions are my own.

Three things Thursday

I read something once about parenting that said the days are long, but the years are short. I think the same can be said about weeks, as every time I sit down to write my Thursday posts, I think, Thursday already?!

1. Jimmy is having his christening in a few weeks. I've been looking around for a suitable outfit for him for what feels like forever. Until I had a baby boy, I didn't realise how hard it is to shop for clothes for them. Girls are totally spoilt for choice with lots of cute small outfits, boys, not so much. If all else fails, I have managed to find a cute set of (what appears to be pyjamas) clothes with a collar, buttons and all other things which check the appropriate boxes. Let's hope it doesn't come to that (although frankly at this stage I'm ok if it does!).

2. This week has been hard has both children seem to be going through a bit of a sleep regression. While Jimmy in no way at all sleeps through the night, I can at least usually rely on him now to have a decent long stretch of about four hours. Not so lately as he is back to waking almost hourly. Ellie also seems to migrate to our bed on most nights. Cue zombie like mama. If coffee didn't have such a dehydrating affect on breastfeeding, I would be having it way more often than my necessary scant cup a day right now!

3. On that note above, sometimes the day just calls for a sweet treat, am I right? I chose a macadamia tart as although it's pretty much the same thing, it just sounds way more healthy than a 'caramel tart'... yes?

Happy Thursday to you!

Child rearing advice NOT to follow

I know that people mean well, but it seems that having children paints some kind of sign over your head that encourages people to distribute their child raising advice whether you want it or not. Lately I've been thinking about some of the advice that people have 'gifted' me with, and some of it just makes me mad.

Here are just a few of the pearlers I've been given.

Sleep while the baby sleeps. 

As my good friend says, sure, shall I also clean while the baby cleans, wash up while the baby washes up and do the endless laundry while the baby does? Yes, there is definite sleep deprivation and more sleep would be great... but really, it's not always practical.

Having said that... here's a picture of Jimmy and I snoozing together... on a 35 degree day, so honestly it was more like sweaty snuggles but I'll take it.

You'll spoil the baby

Actually no, you can't spoil a baby. It's a baby for crying out loud. So if I respond to my child when he cries, that's not spoiling him. If he gives hunger signs even though he only ate half an hour ago, feeding him again isn't going to ruin him. If he falls asleep in my arms, I don't need to put him down. There will be plenty of time when he's happy to sleep on his own... but while I can, I'll enjoy those snuggles at mutually convenient times.

It's called meeting your child's needs. It's setting him up to know that he can count on you when he needs you.

Let him cry himself to sleep

Really? This is a little baby. He was rocked to sleep with the sound of my movements, voice and heartbeat for nine months. He's not suddenly going to be able to sleep on his own. If he needs a little help to sleep - patting, rocking, boobing... I'll give it to him. They're only little for a short time... let them be little and just go with it. What could I be doing that is more important that comforting my baby? Besides, each to their own, but I've always believed that a crying baby doesn't just learn to stop crying. They stop crying because they no longer expect you to come to them. I want my babies to know I will always be there for them.

He's just doing it to get to you

New babies don't know how to manipulate yet. If he cries, it's not to annoy me. He didn't just poop three times in a row purely to have me change nappy after nappy on purpose. If he needs nurturing, he needs it. I'm his mama. He needs me.

You brought this on yourself

Oh? The having a baby thing? I'll pay that. The having to rock him to sleep because if I lay him down he will either a) vomit or b) wake up? Well sure, I'll pay that too, but none of that stuff is forever. Seems that when ever I raise my children in a way that someone doesn't agree with, it's a bad habit that I "brought on myself". When I had Ellie, I went to a mother's group that was run by a community health nurse. She said something that has stuck with me.... she said, it's only a bad habit if you're tired of dealing with it. So, if for example, I'm ok rocking Jimmy to sleep, that's what works for us. When I can't do that anymore, then we will gently transition to a new sleep habit that works for both of us, together. What did I bring on myself? Oh, just the desire to be the best mama I can be.

Share with me. What is some of the worst (well meaning) advice you've been given?

Let's talk tongue and lip tie

Fair warning. This post is about breastfeeding. I talk about my nipples. There are pictures of my crying child because that's how I could best photograph his tongue. If that's not your thing, feel free not to read this post and maybe read about my kitchen instead :)

I've mentioned that with parenting the second time around, you just know when things aren't right. So I just knew that feeding little Jimmy wasn't going right. Sure, he was gaining weight. In fact, one month post birth he was over a kilogram heavier than birth weight. That's great! Not so great however, was convincing people that something wasn't right, because they all pointed out he was putting on weight and having the appropriate number of nappy changes.

Still... feeding took forever. He slept poorly, waking on a 1.5-2 hour cycle, around the clock. He was constantly gassy, and dribbling milk. My poor nipples were sore and bruised and little Jimmy's mouth was one big blister from gripping onto me for dear life. I'd had his mouth checked at the hospital before discharge and was told he looked fine and his latch seemed good if a little shallow. I never seemed to be able to get him to flange his lips or open as wide as I thought he should to latch on. When he cried, his little tongue would cup up and not poke out much at all.

At two weeks, I reached out to our community health feeding clinic, who watched a feed and told me I was doing everything right from a mechanical perspective. Of all the people I'd seen and asked about feeding, this lactation consultant was the only person who felt around in Jimmy's mouth and diagnosed him with a posterior tongue tie, which was also confirmed at my home midwife visit when I asked her. However I was advised that since he was gaining well, it likely didn't need treatment, and my sore nipples were normal newborn feeding side effects.

I'd never heard of tongue tie before to be honest. I googled the heck out of it, and joined support groups online. It made me feel better to know there were other people going through what I was going through - the sleepless nights, the painful nursing, all while hearing there was no problem "because baby is gaining weight"!

Captured! A sleeping moment

For me though, the pain was awful. My nipples would come out misshapen and I'd dread the next feed. I found a local dentist who was passionate about tongue tie and specialised in laser tongue-tie surgery. I scheduled a consultation and treatment as soon as possible - Jimmy would be five weeks old before we could be seen. Knowing I had that appointment kept me sane... ticking off the days until I could get help meant I was able to get through all those feeds.

The day of the appointment arrived and I have never felt such relief. Someone listened to me and sympathised with all my symptoms. Jimmy was diagnosed with a class IV tongue tie and a class III lip tie, which commonly occur together. Releasing the ties would help our nursing relationship, and further, would decrease the likelihood of future issues such as speech and eating problems, cavities and orthodontic work which are common disorders associated with tongue tie.

Jimmy was taken away and we were asked to step outside so that we didn't hear his reaction to the treatment and I could nurse him calmly afterwards (infants who are breastfeeding are typically revised without anaesthesia). I'm told he was swaddled and held tightly while the dentist used the laser, and that my Jimmy didn't cry at all. All up it took maybe five minutes maximum, and then I was taken to a quiet room, Jimmy was placed in my arms and we breastfed under the direction of the dentist (herself a mum and strong breastfeeding advocate) and a lactation consultant.

Before and after - look how high that tongue goes and how far the mouth opens now!

That first feed... what can I say. I'd always been told that breastfeeding was painless and pleasant. Although I fed Ellie for nine months, I can honestly say it was never completely pain free, but I grew to enjoy it. With Jimmy, I finally got what everyone meant. He latched beautifully, he drained my breast and I fed him without pain. And then... miracle... he slept, for three hours. And that night, he slept in three hour cycles, which meant, for the first time in FIVE weeks... so did I. Do you hear that? I slept longer than an hour. I felt like a new woman.

One week post procedure, it's still rough I'll be honest. We do some manual therapy to complement the release, because Jimmy needs to relearn how to use his mouth and nurse 'correctly' as opposed to coasting along off my let down and gripping me with his gums. We've been given exercises to do to improve his suck and help him develop muscles that he hadn't been using before. Essentially he is re-wiring his brain and learning new ways to control this extra movement he suddenly has, which is pretty amazing really.

Doing the stretches to make sure his ties don't reattach is heartbreaking. Constantly correcting his latch is frustrating, and knowing he is in pain is awful. We are getting there though. We still have bad feeds, but we also have good feeds as well. Just like we have good sleeps and bad ones where he is back to his 1.5 hour cycle. He is gradually starting to sleep longer though (hallelujah!) and he is much less windy because he is latching better and therefore swallowing less air. My nipples still get sore and he still has nursing blisters, but I'm confident that will improve as his muscle tone and mouth strength improve, especially as we continue with the physiotherapy and work with a lactation consultant.

It's hard having a growth-spurt, post surgery cranky baby and a highly energetic and attention hungry toddler, but this is where baby wearing comes in handy. I do adore snuggles and the little snores that happen when he falls asleep against my chest.

Snuggles for the win!

Tongue tie is a contentious issue I've found. Some medical providers don't believe they affect feeding. Some believe if you came poke out your tongue (Jimmy could) there is no issue, failing to consider a posterior, sub mucosal tie might be present. These sorts of ties can only be felt with a manual examination and often cause many feeding problems initially as the tongue doesn't reach the roof of the mouth for efficient drainage. They can be hard to diagnose as some babies continue to gain weight coasting along off initial good supply and strong let downs. Apparently, with the increase in formula feeding, lots of medical people stopped learning about tongue ties, but now that breastfeeding is increasing, a lot more ties are needing attention - after all, a bottle doesn't complain of pain.

I don't blame the medical people I saw at all, but what I did learn from this experience is to trust your instincts... if you don't get the answers you need, continue to seek help because no one knows your baby like you do.

Seven song titles to describe life lately

Song titles which describe my life right now:

• I Think We're Alone Now (Tiffany) - What I sing to Jimmy when I'm up doing the many late night feeds and trying to settle him... it's such a nice snuggly time alone with just him and I

• Zombie (The Cranberries) - How I feel after a long night where I'm up feeding continuously every two hours or so 

• I can't help falling in love with you (Elvis Presley) - Lucky the little fellow is so cute... what I think when he snuggles his tiny head into my shoulder and falls asleep... sleep deprivation and milk monster status and all

• Red, red wine (Neil Diamond) - What I wish I could have... I'm holding out for the time when Jimmy spaces his feeds long enough for me to indulge! 

• Bad Day (Daniel Powter) - How I feel when I just settled Jimmy down at 4am, Ellie has crawled into bed with us at 4:30 and then Mr Fork's alarm goes off at 5 to get him ready for work. It's going to be a long, long day

• Right Here Waiting (Richard Marx) - What I'm sure Jimmy is thinking after I've spent ages feeding and settling him for a nap... and he's planning to wake up again as soon as my head hits the pillow 

• Sweet Dreams (The Eurythmics) - What are these again? I've calculated I'm probably averaging about 5 hours total sleep in each 24 hour period... broken into chunks of time way smaller than I want

Source: unknown

What song title/s describe your life right now?

Natural ways to bring on labour?

I mentioned previously that I am currently the most pregnant I have ever been. Also, lucky me, Brisbane is having some of the hottest weather of the season. Oh lovely! So suffice to say, I am more than a little uncomfortable. The heat doesn't help, but I'm also rather large and ungainly, so I'm more than ready for Attila to come out. Any time now... or now...

I spend my days at the moment trying to encourage Attila to start the process. I know that when your body is ready, it's ready, but I'm sure a little incentive doesn't hurt right? There are plenty of natural suggestions out there to try.

Foremost with the suggestions is physical activity. So I've been really into the cleaning, the gardening and as much walking as I can comfortably do with this horrible heat and/or a toddler in tow. The cleaning part is discouraging though, as every time a room is cleaned, a puppy, or Ellie or Mr Fork will mess it up again.

Next on the list is food. I do love food, so I figure Attila might have picked up on some of that and be tempted out for more. Here's some of the things I've tried, from top, clockwise into the middle:

1. Candy buffet and sugary goodness at the Myer Giftorium launch
2. Amazingly delicious dessert of chocolate fudge brownie, peanut butter praline, cherries and vanilla (Attila was kicking around on a sugar high after that one!)
3. Spicy vegetarian Vietnamese noodle soup with extra chilli (I loved this, Attila spent the night giving me heartburn after)
4. Iced chocolate on soy milk
5. Spicy bean nachos with fresh guacamole 
6. Avocado plate with tomato, feta, roasted turkish bread and truffle oil
7. Grilled asparagus and cheese sandwich

Yes, Attila has been craving lots of dairy. While I can't stomach cow milk, I will give in and have animal-rennet-free cheese. I figure if the baby needs calcium, it's not really up to me to deprive him.

There are also the good old standbys, fresh pineapple and raspberry leaf tea (in a fancy glass with ice because... well, I'm classy like that, and it's HOT!)

Despite feeling like I have consumed my weight in (delicious, delicious, cold) pineapple and downed litres of tea, nothing.

So I'm waiting, with bated breath, which is about all I can manage as Attila is taking up so much room in there anyway. The house is clean, the nursery awaits, and every night Mr Fork encourages Ellie to tell Attila to "hurry up and come out".

Come on baby!

What other methods to bring on labour am I missing?

Pregnancy glamour on the home stretch

As of this week, I am the most pregnant I have ever been before. Ellie came smack bang on 37 weeks, and everyone told me that second babies come earlier and faster. I have to be honest and say that secretly I was counting on that, because right now, I feel giant and ungainly but most of all tired and impatient. Come on Attila, mama wants to meet you already!!

Since I've never made it this far before, I have more thoughts about the glamour of pregnancy along this home stretch that never occurred to me last time (read more about pregnancy glamour here and here).

• The pregnancy insomnia! Oh the insomnia. Was it this terrible before? I honestly can't remember but I know that I'm waking up several times a night and finding it very hard to get back to sleep. The gentle snores from Mr Fork just enrage me further - why does he sleep so peacefully when it eludes me?
• It's not just the insomnia waking me up, but I swear, I am up every two hours or so to empty my ever shrinking bladder. It wouldn't be so bad if it was worth it, but waking up to squeeze out a drop or two is so not fun
• While on the topic of sleep, it's mighty uncomfortable. I can't seem to get the optimal arrangement of pillows that support my back, my hips, the belly and my neck. It probably doesn't help that I'm limited to only sleeping on my side I suppose
• Rolling over! It's at least a three point job. And then I have to rearrange the pillows. With my awesome timing too, by the time I get everything just right, I need to get up to wee again. Oh the humanity!
• As I mentioned, Ellie came earlier. She also was born in September, so my limited maternity wardrobe isn't really geared for a bigger belly and October/November (please not November!!) weather. Luckily I'm on maternity leave now, so I'm making do with loose drape-y sort of things... and maybe some things that shouldn't be seen in public 
• Looking after a toddler is extra exhausting now. Which is why by all rights I should sleep so soundly and it irks me that I can't. I sort of live for daycare days at the moment, which makes me feel terrible but does allow me the freedom to potter around the house nesting
• Nesting is harder this time too. No sooner do I get a room clean and sparkly, then Mr Fork or Ellie come along and destroy the shiny. Soooo frustrating!
• I feel so waddle-y and uncomfortable that I can't really go out and do things to take advantage of this baby free time. It seems whiney I know, but I could do with a haircut, and a pedicure and even just a good long massage (alright, that one I did do, but only because they have a pregnancy table and I can lie on my belly for awhile). Going out just seems so... much... effort...

I'm just impatient. In my heart, I'd hoped I'd have met Attila by now. I know he's not overdue by any stretch, but I'm on leave and I feel like I'm wasting it by not having a baby yet, especially when I'd mentally prepared for an early arrival. There is no way I could be at work either though because I'm so tired, but I'm just in limbo at the moment, floating around at home and nesting. There is only so many things to clean, books to read and sleep to be had really.

Ok not the sleep part. That I'd love some more of please!

So come out Attila! Your mama and your daddy and your big sister can't wait to meet you!! Ellie lays on my belly each night and talks to you. She pokes at my 'baby button' (belly button) and blows you raspberries. Daddy talks to you all the time and doesn't know whether to go to work or stay and hover around me. You must already know how eager I am to meet you. Everyone is waiting for you... hurry up baby!

Love, mama

Does anyone have any tips to bring on labour? Or make these last days go just a little bit faster? I'd love to hear them!

Moving from the cot to a big girl room

With Attila scheduled to make an appearance in the next few months (eek!), Mr Fork and I felt that it was time to transition Ellie over to a big girl room. Everything we've read indicates that you should make it a fun process and let them be involved so that they feel excited. Recommendations are that you should also do it early enough so that the toddler doesn't feel like they are being 'kicked out' or 'replaced' by a new baby. Fair enough. I'm pretty sure going from one child to two is going to be hard enough without dealing with a resentful toddler on top of it too.

Our first step was to clear out the spare room, which was to become Ellie's room. I'm sad to be losing this space, as not only does it serve as the guest room, but it is also the receptacle of all the things that don't have a proper home in our house, as well as the place where I put all the laundry to be folded. It looks like I'm going to have to be a lot more clean and organised in future! Here are some before shots. As you can see, we had a queen size bed in the room and a bookshelf with lots of things in the room before. It looks really cramped but was decent enough and comfy for a spare room.

 

The bed has been dismantled to live in Mr Fork's man cave, and we are still looking for a home for the bookcase - Mr Fork thinks we should bite the bullets and become adults. By this he means we should purchase a filing cabinet and I should stop flinging random bits of paper where ever they fit and put them in a logical order somewhere. Hmm.

Anyway, after some initial debate, we decided on a king single size bed for Ellie. Our logic was, it will last her longer as we are sure she will be tall, and it is comfortable for either Mr Fork or I to lie in with her on the occasions she wants company (very often right now). We were conservative with the bed frame but bought the best mattress in our budget because well... a good mattress is gold right?

The bed was accessorised with the softest sheets from Kmart - Ellie picked them with a little encouragement from Mr Fork (he thinks girls should have lots of pink.... sigh). At $16, they were an absolute bargain, and they're soft, warm and made from a tshirt sort of material. She has a Sheraton quilt cover which I think is really cute (Mr Fork thinks it isn't girly enough), with stripes on one side and rocket ships and stars that glow in the dark on the other - how cool is that!! I think from the picture it's really obvious I'm not one of those people who iron sheets and covers... don't judge if that's your thing.

Pink sheet, and the two sides of her quilt cover

We've moved her bookshelf into her new room, as well as an old wooden TV cabinet which she can use to store her favourite toys in - Ellie loves to open and shut cupboards and hide things away. The big pillows which are against the wall usually live in our lounge room, but during naps and at night time they get laid on the ground to guard against falls from the bed (none so far thank goodness).

I'm still looking for the ideal rug to put in her room so it's a bit more comfy to play on the ground in there.

The artwork is a print from a children's book that her grandmother gave her when she was born. It sits in a frame and used to hang over her change table, but still looks really grown up in her room.

The print close up

I love her room so far. It's bright and cheerful and not too childish nor too adult. We haven't had the smoothest transition though. Although Ellie loves that she has a big girl bed to herself and she can stand at the windows and have a view out two directions, she hasn't been well lately (thank you daycare!), so that is contributing to the changeover. Most nights she'll go to sleep happily with a story, but several hours later will wake up disoriented. Sometimes we can get her back to sleep, sometimes nothing but moving into bed and snuggling up with mama and Attila (and daddy) will do.

What does your child's bedroom look like? Any must have gadgets or features? 

Little things

I went to work grumpy this morning. At 1:00am, Ellie woke screaming from a dream and I couldn't calm her, so I brought her into bed with us, where she immediately settled. She cuddled herself up against me, tucked her little head under my chin and proceeded to babble quietly to me in her little Ellie voice. It was adorable. But, it was also 1:00am so I told her that it wasn't time to talk it was time to sleep and followed my own advice. 

She didn't though. She laid with her warm little head against me happily, patting me with her little baby hands and chatting quietly and then, when she didn't get any meaningful response, moved on to kicking me not so gently. It was now past 3am and I was tired and had had enough so moved her (reluctantly) back to her own room.

Except, now, I was very awake anyway, so I ended up laying in bed unable to get back to sleep and got up at my usual time with heavy limbs and eyes that felt like I'd rubbed sand into them. I could have kept her in bed and enjoyed having quiet time and snuggles together, but instead I chose otherwise.

There's a line in a popular song that goes like this:

"I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth, but if it's true, it's you, it's you they add up to - I'm in love with you"

Oh alright, it's a One Direction song, let's admit that and get it over with. There's a point to this.

She won't always want to lie in bed with me. She won't always want to cuddle and talk to me with reckless abandon. She won't always be Ellie as she is now. She probably won't even remember these early day moments. But I will. I'll remember the little things that make up Ellie and I'll hold them close. When I look back, I won't remember the cranky, the heavy limbs and the sandy eyes from lack of sleep. I'll remember bringing her to bed for snuggles, the weight of her against me, inhaling her sweet baby smell and listening to her tiny voice tell me about her life. I won't even be able to tell her in a way she'll appreciate all the little things I remember and love about her... but I'll hold them in my heart and I'll treasure them.

And I'll make a promise to myself to hold off on the grumpy and enjoy the small moments and pleasures I'm given. Because life is short, babies aren't babies forever, and life is full of little things that should be seized and appreciated when they occur. Such as outfits that look like strawberries... and toddler love and affection.

What about you? Any little things to appreciate in your life lately?

Easter exhaustion and the house of sick

Oh hello there! It's been awhile I know. A combination of a couple of long weekends in a row, followed by us becoming the house of sick on our return from the Easter long weekend away. I'll get to that.

Like last year at Easter, we got on a plane and went to visit Ellie's grandparents. It was a great holiday, so great, that we decided to repeat it again this year! It was a lovely trip, I mean, it's hard to wake up to this kind of view, but someone has to do it! Also, flying with a toddler is very different to flying with an infant (somewhat easier, and in other ways, so much harder too!). Moving on...

Easter views

There was lots of fun had. We visited relatives, ate a lot, took Ellie out on her first boat trip (she slept in my arms the entire way there and back!), swam in the pool, went to the beach and collected shells, and generally enjoyed ourselves not being at work. As usual, Ellie was spoiled mightily with chocolate and Easter goodies (including a certain pair of bunny pyjamas). Did I mention food? Well, it deserves a second mention because there was a lot of it. There might have been quite a bit of napping to be done as well... although I feel vain enough to need to point out that that is an iPhone cable under my head, not a massive grey hair streak.

Mr Fork being mysterious as usual

When we got back home, we were all a little off colour. I wrote it off to post holiday blues and put us all to bed. The next day however saw Mr Fork and Ellie packed off to the doctor post haste. Turns out, Ellie and Mr Fork both had tonsillitis. Mr Fork got glandular fever on top of that. The pharmacist was quite tickled to be making up matching daddy/daughter antibiotics. I only had a viral infection so no antibiotics for me. I say only with the utmost sarcasm, because I felt like death too, but as the least sick of the family, it was my job to do all the looking after. I've been so tired I could sleep for a week! Luckily, everyone is on the mend now, but my sanity and temper certainly suffered for awhile there.

It's either the terrible twos starting, or the fact that she's been sick, but Ellie has been off temper a bit too. After throwing an epic tantrum one day, her room suddenly went silent so I checked on her, only to find her asleep behind the door wrapped in her beloved blanket. I just had to take a picture of her it was that cute. She was so comfortable (even snoring) that I just let her sleep where she was instead of risking a mid nap move.

Floor naps

Speaking of that blanket, have I ever mentioned how much Ellie loves it? It's the texture she finds comfort in I think, as we have a similar smaller blanket for the car that has the same feel but a different colour. Being sick, she's been wanting blanket with her everywhere when we're home, and no matter how hot the day, if we're in the car, that one has to be draped over her legs too. I'm going somewhere with this.

I took her shopping during the week last week so that Mr Fork could have a break and get some rest. I was walking dead myself, but hopefully he'll remember what I did and return the favour one day. We were in Myer looking at the pyjamas when all of a sudden Ellie squealed with glee and disappeared into a rack of clothes. I found her in a rack of pink fluffy jackets, which looked and felt just like her blanket, rubbing them over her face. Then, I kid you not, she tore a jacket off it's hanger and started carrying it around the department, rubbing it on her face and sucking her thumb. There were tears when I refused to buy it for her but honestly... I just don't see myself wearing something like that EVER. I felt like the meanest mama in the world! Just look at those sad, sick eyes.

Sick, but still cute

How was your Easter break? I hope not as unhealthy as ours!

Transitioning to a big girl bed

Recently, we took the side off Ellie's cot, in preparation for moving her into a 'big girl bed' sometime down the track. We did it on a weekend, so she had time when we were home to get used to it. We laid pillows on the ground just in case she fell out, and made a fuss so she knew it was an important and fun milestone.

The cot, minus a side

It's worked out pretty well considering it was a random, spur of the moment decision. For maybe the first week, there were no falls out of the bed. Ellie would wake up around 2am and the only thing that would console her would be moving into bed with us for snuggles. Mr Fork would fall blissfully back asleep and I would have a toddler breathing into my neck and kicking me in the ribs until the alarm went off.

After that, we re-evaluated the change and helped her to manage it better:

• We reinstalled her nightlight in her room. Previously she would have one that switched off after 15 minutes, but the new setup gives her an additional light that stays on all night.
• Instead of closing her door all the way, we left it cracked a little so if she wants to, she can get herself out of bed and come to us.
• Instead of lifting her into bed at nap and sleep time, she was a big girl and encouraged to climb in and out by herself.

We've had two falls since then, as she gets more confident with the new boundaries, but she fell onto the pillows and no harm done. She also sleeps right through and loves that she can get up and bring a favourite toy into bed with her if she wants to. 

Her abacus is currently toy of the moment

On the down side, I've learnt to dread the little pitter patter of her feet as she slides out of bed and runs into our room. I hear a little voice say 'mama?' before a smelly security blanket is thrown on me and my determined toddler tries to hoist herself onto the bed for cuddles at an ungodly hour of the morning.

To be honest, though, I treasure those early morning cuddles.

How did you start to move your child to a bigger bed?

Dreamer Dotty Blanket Review

About

This cute little blanket is designed for a cot and measures in at 100 x 150cm. It's an ivory base with a mixture of blue, orange and brown dots. The material is a really fluffy knitted cotton velour and claims to be anti-pilling, anti-allergic, light weight and very breathable.

My experience
When the1337mum asked if I'd like to try on of these blankets, I jumped at the opportunity. Ellie is at a stage now where she is very textural, and one of her favourite things is minky softness. We have them all over the place - in the car, as a blanket, as a pillow pet in the lounge and even a few cold weather minky sleep suits. The Dreamer blanket is no exception. It was a hit as soon as I removed it from the packaging, with Ellie grabbing it and lying down on top of it immediately!

The size is great too, as I can use it as a cot blanket, but its not so large that we can't put it in the lounge or use it in the car as well. The minky has stayed nice and soft after washing so I know that this is a blanket we'll use over and over until it is loved to pieces.

This post first appeared on Lifestyles of the Modern Mum.

Shhhhh, do you hear that? Blessed night time silence

I'm sure any new parent will agree with me that the first few months with a baby is hard. There are so many new things to get used to, like having a tiny human completely reliant on you for one, but I think the thing that got me the hardest was the sheer lack of sleep. Of course it's expected at the newborn stage, but some eight months in, the lack of sleep is really starting to take a toll.

She has always been a good day sleeper, but with the cold weather lately, Ellie has increased her usual peaceful once a night dream feed to to screaming awake 2-3 times a night with soaking wet nappies and wanting a feed, cuddle and play each time. Obviously, the constant waking up was murdering Mr Fork and I as each time she woke it would take a good hour to get her back to sleep, what with the nappy change, feed, settle etc. She would stand up and scream in her cot for ages afterward and we'd clutch each other in the dark whispering about what we should do next. Finally at about 3am, Mr Fork would bring her into our bed and we'd all doze uncomfortably until it was time to get up.

One wide awake Ellie!

Some internet research pointed at a couple of potential causes. First, her age indicates she's starting to get separation anxiety when anything changes, including a nappy. Or, waking up in a strange room with no mum or dad immediately nearby when they were there when you fell asleep. I suppose when you put yourself in that head space, it's understandable to be sad and scared and want comfort and play when you wake up. Second, being cold apparently makes babies wet nappies more.

Something had to change, and I can tell you, it was not me getting used to waking up rudely three times a night. Instead, we revised and modified our sleeping routine to better help Ellie learn to self settle instead of using my boob, or snuggles as a sleep prop.  She needs to learn that no matter how cranky she gets, she is still going to sleep in her own bed and not ours. I know that many people like to co-sleep but it just doesn't work for us here.

Now, it's a fairly structured routine, to help her get into the habit of knowing that these things mean bed time: bath, quiet play, book, boob, bed. We put her to bed sleepy, but not asleep so that she can re-learn to self settle. During the constant wake ups, Mr Fork got into a nasty habit of letting her fall asleep on his chest while he patted her bum, and then ninja-ed her into her cot without her knowing.

Chest sleeping baby (milk coma helps)

No more.  Now, we dress her warmly (onesie, sleep sack, blankets over the top, heater at the ready for when it's colder), feed her, tell her it's time to sleep and leave her to it. If necessary, we pat her a little then leave the room. She can scream, we simply go in and pat her until she's quiet then leave again.

If she wakes in the middle of the night, we have stopped all but one milk feed as I know that nutritionally she no longer needs as many as she's getting. She gets one (I can't starve my baby, what if she is hungry?!) and then back to bed. She is fed with minimum stimulation - no eye contact, no talking, no cuddles - as utilitarian as I can make it. Once again, in bed she can scream all she likes, I will get up and pat her, but knowing that she is warm and full, no picking up and snuggling. Definitely no bringing her into our bed... I'm looking at you Mr Fork! Any subsequent awakenings - she gets offered water only as I know she's searching for comfort, not food.

Anyway, it was a week of hell at our place - many times I was up and down like a jack in the box with all the patting.  There was much outrage on all sides - Ellie because she wasn't being snuggled and brought into the big bed, mine because I kept catching Mr Fork breaking the guidelines we'd agreed to and Mr Fork wanting to do anything to shut everyone up. Finally though, success!

We had a sleep through, and then another, and let me tell you, I woke up feeling saner than I had in a long time. Bless you, sleep! I'm sure there will still be awakenings, and I can cope with those, but I do hope this is a trend that continues.

A well sleeping bub

What about other mums? Have you had any luck with infant sleeping?