Tutu crafty

Let's talk craft. As soon as I saw them online, I wanted to make Ellie a no-sew tutu. I had in mind that she could wear it for her birthday, and then we also got an invite to a fairy party as well. Sweet, I thought! I went and had a look at the local fabric places, but at $5/m for tulle, I wimped out when I figured out how much I'd need for a decent tutu. Then I checked out good old eBay, and found I could buy tulle by the roll. $5.96 and 25m of tulle purchased later, I was back in business! Of course, I did have to pay for my cheapness by needing to wait 20 days for delivery but I wasn't in a hurry.

Almost 20 days later exactly, my tulle arrived and I set up shop. I sewed a loop of elastic. I had a book of appropriate size ready so I could wrap the tulle around it and cut it nicely without measuring properly. I had scissors and everything at the ready.

And it turned out pretty well if I do say so myself.

Except Ellie hated it. She screamed as soon as I put it on her, and the screaming continued until I took it off again. She kept pulling at the tulle strands so I will need to sew them on anyway. Stupid no-sew tutu my butt.

Who can resist a little tu-tued behind?

Wouldn't even look at the camera

I suppose it's a good thing she is asserting her independence and choices. So, without the tutu, we went to the fairy party in a plain gingham dress. Although I was allowed to put a flower clip in her hair for the occasion.

Have you made anything crafty lately?

E for Education

No I’m not talking which school your child will go to, but more like learning through play type education. I will probably be shot down for voicing this, but I sort of think of it as something similar to raising a puppy and the environmental enrichment you provide. Ellie is sometimes very much like a little pet – she follows people around the house, will bite Mr Fork’s toe if he pays more attention to his iPhone than to her, and thinks that everything in the house belongs to her.

Since she was very small, I have been quite particular about the type of play Ellie and I do. I much prefer her to have a mama who is there for her in each moment instead of putting her in front of the television or a piece of technology. I think it’s perfectly acceptable that if I play with my iPad that she be allowed to look at it too. Otherwise, why get it out in front of her? My preference though, is for active play, and to let her have toys that will let her learn through what she’s doing.

When she was smaller, her favourite toys were ones that had lots of textures and noises like her very hungry caterpillar. She also loved her mat which encouraged both hand/eye coordination and tummy time. 

Now she loves blocks and balloons (which if they aren't helium I enclose in a fabric cover so if they burst she can’t eat any pieces).

 

She also loves painting, dancing (either with me or by herself), anything soft and fluffy (including our hound!) and musical instruments. She has even become a bit creative in making music – she has a rattle and a little piano but Ellie loves beating two blocks together, or tipping everything out of her bucket and using that as a drum.

How do you enrich your child's environment?

D for Developmental Milestones

When I was pregnant, I had the ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting’ app on my iPhone and I got a real kick out of looking at it each week to see what fruit size my baby was at, and the developmental milestones that she was making in utero. That sort of consumed me while I was pregnant and I didn’t really read on much further – hence actually having a baby was a real shock! I mean, I knew I was pregnant; I knew what the end result would be but sort of glossed over having to give birth and all that came along with it.

Similarly, I also glossed over all the milestones that are associated with having a baby. Mr Fork and I didn’t get caught up in when Ellie would reach certain milestones at all, much to my consternation as I go back and retrospectively complete her birth book. I’m often heard going “Honey, when did Ellie first sit up on her own?” and likely the answer will be “I don’t know, just put down early May or something!”

Sitting so easily now it's hard to remember she didn't always do it!

That’s not to say that we didn’t do some research. I have a fabulous app called the Wonder Weeks  which has been pretty great. It works on the premises that as children grow, you can predict with some accuracy when they are going to make a mental development leap based on neurological changes. These changes generally mean that baby is exposed to so much new stimulus that they get grumpy and have regressions in previously learnt skills (such as sleep and independence!). In practical terms, we are able to recognise signs she is about to hit a ‘wonder week’, understand when Ellie has problems sleeping and is extra clingy, and in turn, help her to develop new abilities with targeted play and activities. The app isn’t specific and times though and generally gives a window of several weeks for things to happen.

So, we don’t generally push for Ellie to do things. We cheer her accomplishments, such as teeth, sitting, standing, sleep, the ability to give cuddles (yay!) or vocalise. What we don’t do is compare her to other baby’s progress. My thoughts are, when it comes down to it, who really cares when she walked? How long she was breastfed for? When she got all her teeth? Ate solids. Children do things in their own time when they are developmentally read for it, and it’s my job as a parent to be aware of that add support her through my actions.

Hence, I’m throwing developmental milestones and comparisons out the window and celebrating Ellie for herself! As long as she’s tracking nicely and staying in the right growth percentiles and continuously developing, I’m not worried about the specifics of when she does things. I know instinctively that my child is just fine, and when she’s ready, that’s when she’ll do things.

Do you adhere to developmental milestones or use them more as guidelines?

C for Career

I always thought that I'd be one of those women who had it all – the career, the baby – with ease. As an IT consultant, before baby, I used to travel a lot. I'm talking being away from home for over half a year. When I met Mr Fork, I was working in Sydney and coming back to Brisbane on the weekends. The first year of dating, we probably really only spent a couple of weeks together all up. When the travel lightened up and we started to cohabit, things got really interesting. I'm the die hard vegetarian (vegan at home) while he's the raging carnivore. I like to curl up with a good book and he likes to watch TV and mindlessly flip through the channels. I like to cycle, he turns green at the thought of getting on a bike. But we bond over a shared love of dancing, noodle dishes and The Big Bang Theory to name a few things.

We weren't trying to fall pregnant, but we weren't not trying either. We were delighted to find out we were going to have a baby and our little bean was loved as soon as we knew she was coming. In fact, our dogs knew I was pregnant before we did, morphing into clingy little furballs who couldn't get close enough to me. When I started to show, they loved lying against my tummy and taking turns with my daughter to kick each other through my tummy. That was fun, but they loved her before she was born too.

Happy family, Mr Fork remaining mysterious

I went back to work part time after 7 months off and things definitely changed. I'm not the dedicated worker that I once was. My company has never had titles for employees, so over the years I've been whatever I needed to be to get the job done: tester, project lead, senior consultant, trainer. Now, the title that brings me the most satisfaction? Mummy. I often tell me colleagues that I have a full time job and I come in to paid employment to have a break from it. It's a real treat getting to eat my lunch without sharing, leave the room without anyone screaming and use the bathroom whenever I want to!

My eyes have really been opened coming back to work though. It's not as easy as I thought it would be. I get lots of looks as I pack up to leave at 5pm so that I get home in time to have dinner and cuddles with Ellie. I put up with comments like "she's a great consultant BUT she only works three days a week" or "so you only work 3 days a week and do nothing the rest of the time?" It's very hard to bite my tongue and not invite them over to do "nothing" with me.

 

Pumping at work was a challenge. It's difficult to find clothes that look business like but don't flash milk engorged breasts. Many businesses don't understand the legal requirements of breastfeeding mothers too, and often the facilities provided are not adequate or you're left with only a toilet as an option.

So yes, my eyes have been opened. I suppose also my priorities have changed, but being on the other side of the fence, I understand how hard it is to be a working mother. There is very little flexibility or understanding of my new life, especially in my very male dominated industry. With the election approaching, politicians are trying to win votes with their maternity leave policy, but that's only for the first six months of a child's life. If I ever win the lotto, I want to start a company where women are encouraged to return to work. With flexible working arrangements, a child friendly office location, onsite day care, and generous company maternity leave and return to work policies.

What about you? Does your workplace make it easy to be a working mum?

B for breast or bottle?

It's an old debate. What's the best way to feed your child? I've written a little about my experience here; so I won't go into it again.

What I will say is that there is no right answer. As long as mama is happy and baby is thriving then it's no one else's business. I will staunchly defend the right of women to feed the way they please. In the location and manner they please.

Having said that, like the scouts, the motto "be prepared" comes to mind. Pre-birth I was convinced I'd breast feed until my child weaned itself. I was therefore a little shocked when at my baby shower I was given a bottle cleaner and a bottle. "Just in case," said my friend (the only friend there who'd actually had a baby). I have to say, her bag of essential baby goodies was a lifesaver. I didn't think to stock up on all the things she included. But I was sure glad at the time to have those supplies. I also learnt that regardless of whether you'll breast or formula feed, bottles come in darn handy for storing expressed milk. And letting someone else feed bub so you can get some sleep (much needed sleep!).

There's a lot of judgement out there. It seems to start as soon as people find out you're pregnant and start offering stories and advice. Then when you have your baby, more advice comes pouring in, welcome or not. I sometimes think fellow mothers are our own worst enemy. Instead of unconditional support for each other there is a lot of judgement for other parenting styles. Being a mum is the hardest job in the world, and sometimes it feels like the least appreciated. What we need is support for whatever choices we make, as long as mama and baby well being is central to those decisions. I always remind myself that Ellie won't remember how she was fed. What she will remember is that she was loved and raised in a healthy and safe environment.

A for Actions and Awareness

As Ellie’s first birthday rapidly approaches, I wanted to do a series of posts about what I’ve learnt in my first year of motherhood. I’m going with a bit of a theme here, because there is so much I could talk about, so I’m going to restrict myself to twenty six topics, which I will dub my A to Z of having a baby. This also forces me to make sure I write more often. With that introduction, let me start with my first topic, A for Actions.

Before Ellie, I put a lot of thought into how I’d like to raise my child so that she would grow up strong, confident, sassy and independent. Mr Fork and I discussed our ideas and came to an agreement about the sort of environment we wanted our baby to grow up in. What it came down to for us was that we wanted to allow our daughter to grow able to express herself and know she was unconditionally loved and that her parents would meet and acknowledge her needs as required. Without knowing any terms such as ‘attachment’ or ‘responsive’ parenting we decided that we would be attentive to our child’s needs. If she cried, we would comfort her. If she was sleepy, we would let her sleep. If she was hungry/dirty/playful we would feed/clean/play with her. If she wanted closeness we would hold her. Simple right?

 Just because babies are so small, it doesn’t mean that they can’t communicate and make themselves understood. I believe that they can. In fact, one of the first things Ellie did after birth when we were having skin to skin time was to root around for a feed. She knew what she wanted and instinctively made it happen. She communicated her needs to me and she was only a few hours old! After she’d made her want known, I responded (with the midwife’s assistance) and let her feed. My actions demonstrated to her that I would answer her cries.

To me, actions speak louder than words. I remember being told that as a child and it’s stuck with me. I always try to act nicely, as well as speak and think nicely too. I don’t always succeed but I do try. Children learn through actions before words, so to them, the way you act is so important. I’ve spoken before about teaching boundaries and demonstrating through consistent actions that I support Ellie’s right to own her own feelings and responses. I believe completely that Ellie understands what is going on around her, and so we acknowledge that understanding and tell her what we are doing. We explain what is happening – that we are about to change her nappy, that we are going to daycare. We ask her questions and allow her to answer them in her own way: does she want to give daddy a kiss? Go to granddad for a cuddle? Is she hungry? Thirsty? We also respect her boundaries when she answers.

Don’t worry, I’m not crazy, I do know that children this young can’t talk. They can however, understand. And I know Ellie can communicate so to facilitate a method that is easy for everyone, we have been using some baby sign language since birth. Just for the key signs: hungry, thirsty, milk, book, mama, daddy, finished. I’m pleased to report that Ellie has started to sign them back now to indicate when she wants something. Yay! 

I guess the point of this post is that I wholeheartedly believe that actions do speak louder than words. That I need to show Ellie, by look, word and especially by deed that I’m on her side. That I listen to what she has to say and react appropriately – I’m aware of her and acknowledge her feelings and thoughts. I believe that children are always learning and I want my actions to be something my daughter learns from even before she learns to speak.

Do you ever have problems getting your actions and words in sync?

Coincidence?

So every week, my Fitbit sends me a weekly progress summary email with a highlight of achievements and weekly stats. I can also drill down in my dashboard to check specific days and the breakdown of exercise in them.

 

See that lovely big green spike there?  That coincided with high activity minutes - and that occurred as I was sprinting down the mall to find something for lunch as I'd been working feverishly to get a deliverable completed for a client with a mere three hour notice. And let me tell you, I was starving!

 

 

At the same time, I got this email alerting me to a new badge. Yep, since putting on my Fitbit a little over two months ago, I've walked over 250km. And that's just the steps it knows about, because there have been times I've taken it off, or forgotten to change the battery or something. A coincidence that I reached a new milestone while searching for food? Sort of a proverbial carrot/stick?

Woot! Talk about motivation! Tell me, have you kicked any goals, fitness or otherwise, lately?