Today I was offered two places, neither at the centre of my choice. I called the one I did want, and asked where I was on the waiting list, letting them know I'd been offered places elsewhere. What do you know, they found me a space, starting mid next month. So I went from zero places to three in one day. Wow.
Next month. I know I planned to go back to work around then, but you guys, that's NEXT MONTH. As in, I only have a month left to be a SAHM and then I'm back to work (jiggety jig). I'm feeling scared, sad, excited and above all, guilty as hell. Ellie is so small to be putting into care, but I really feel like I need something more to keep me occupied. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mother, but for me, I also like to use my skills and interact out in the workforce. Besides, I feel bad spending money on things when I'm not contributing to the household and I know that I don't have the slush fund that I used to for frivolous purchases.
Although, to segue way slightly, a girl needs a little frivolity every now and then so to prove it I got these:
and also these, both en route to my hot little feet from Funkis.
Ahem, back on track, mummy guilt is the worst. If I stay at home then I feel guilty when I'm bored or not spending enough time helping Ellie to develop with tummy time, reading to her or paying her constant attention. If I go to work I feel guilty for letting someone else help raise my child. I keep telling myself at the end of the day, my daughter is loved and I'm being a positive role model in showing her that women can have successful careers too. As well as saving my sanity and keeping my job skills current. She won't remember whether I fed her with a breast or a bottle, she won't remember if she was in cloth nappies or disposable and she won't remember that I didn't spend every moment of the day with her. What I hope she will remember is that I was a confident and intelligent woman, that I had a life outside of the house, that when she needs me I'll always make the time and that I love her so very much.
I've got one month left before back to the (part time) workforce. I plan to enjoy every minute of it, and I'm sure I'll be asking for coping tips when the time comes.
Have you ever had a case of parental guilt? How do you cope when it happens?
The Little Man used to (and still does) do his best to make us feel super guilty for leaving him at Daycare. He bawls his eyes out whenever he's dropped off. I felt bad until we were told that he cries for all of 30 seconds after we leave then has a fantastic time all day. Obviously we didn't believe the staff... how could my baby be happy without me. So we leave and watch him out of sight and sure enough he stops crying after he thinks we're out of earshot. Same thing happens when we go to pick him up. If we stand out of sight, he plays and has a great time with the staff and his friends. When he sees us he scrunches up his face and bawls like he's telling us he's had a horrible day when we can see he's been having a great time.
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