"Breast is best" but guilt and shame are unnecessary

Before I had a child, I assumed that motherhood would be instinctual, breastfeeding would come naturally and that it would be easy. I was wrong. My daughter was born early, borderline premature with severe jaundice.  We were in and out of hospital in those first days because although we'd been sent home, she wasn't latching well and needed light therapy to help clear that jaundice.

In hospital I was asked to sign a form saying I agreed to formula if I couldn't produce enough milk. I just wanted her to get well so I signed what was put in front of me. My milk hadn't come in properly and I struggled. I felt like a jersey cow – when she wouldn't latch, she was bottle fed, and later fed through a nasal tube when she refused the bottle. I was asked to a pump every two hours. Mostly, she was fed expressed breast milk, but she needed so much to help clear the jaundice that we needed formula top ups.  It was heartbreaking to see my tiny baby in that blue-lighted crib with her little white sunglasses, struggling to drink enough to clear that horrible yellow colour.  I was sure when we got home the breastfeeding would come easier.

After the stint in hospital, little miss preferred the bottle. I persevered, wanting to nurse her and be the one to provide her nourishment. I wanted that bond and I wanted to be the 'perfect' breastfeeding mother. We saw lactation consultants to help with latching; they commended my efforts to feed and recommended new techniques, nipple shields and lots of skin to skin time.  I ate lactation cookies galore and stuffed myself with milk boosting herbs. I don't know how it is for other mothers, but as a new mum there was no way I was getting mostly naked to feed in public so I'd make sure I had bottles of expressed milk ready to go. My daughter had nipple confusion switching between bottles, my breast and the shields. My supply suffered with her poor latch, so I started to express regularly at home to boost supply and build up a store of breast milk for my baby so she could have the benefits of breast milk even if it wasn’t directly from me. Nipple shields and my breast pump were a huge help. Progress was slow and steady, but the stress of trying to feed, then expressing wasn't helping our family and so we made the decision to not exclusively breast feed and to supplement with formula.

I cried when I saw what was written on the formula tub. Yes, breast is best, but for many reasons, some women can't breastfeed or don't have the supply and need a little help. I was embarrassed to get a bottle out in public as I felt people were judging me, regardless of whether it contained expressed milk or formula. Yes, it's a shame I can't feed my daughter exclusively from my breasts but I am not ashamed (anymore). We persevered, and we continued to breastfeed in conjunction with formula - as she got bigger, her latch got better and breastfeeding was not the painful, dreaded experience it was in the beginning. In fact, I love feeding her, and I look forward to our bonding time when her little hands pat my skin and she gazes into my eyes.

Now that I'm back at work, I want to continue to allow her breast milk as long as she wants it. While that is easy when I'm home and with her, it's not so simple when she's in daycare. I have to pump at work, at least once a day to maintain my supply. This brings a whole new level of difficulties. All of the rooms in our office are glass walled, so our receptionist has papered one with A3 paper for me to "extract" in, as my manager put it. There is no lock on the door so I have to trust that people will respect the 'do not disturb' sign outside. It has been joked that I should put my own sign up - "breast out, extraction in progress" and see how that goes. The tech nerd in me would also appreciate an in progress bar on that sign! I then have to carry my pump and bottle of breast milk back through the office, wash the pump out and discreetly hide my milk in the fridge. Yet, I do this willingly for Ellie, and for me too if I'm honest.

I love being a mother. No one told me it was going to be so hard or it wouldn't come naturally, but the look on my daughter's face when she wakes up and sees me, or feeds and manages a successful latch is priceless. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, but also the best. We mothers need to support each other and not judge - being a new mum is hard enough without all the pressure from ourselves or anyone else.  I know I’m not the only new mum who's dealt with feeding challenges, and I know it’s kind of a personal topic. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share my story like this, but if I can help others going through something similar to feel a bit less guilt, then it's worth putting it out there.

DIY: Recycled t-shirt dog toy

After having a baby, much of my wardrobe wasn't right anymore. Some of my clothes weren't suitable to be worn now that I am a mother. Some weren't suitable for feeding in or wearing to work. And some were just plain stretched out and not even fit for donation to charity.

I've already talked about how frugal I like to be here and here, so it definitely wouldn't have been 'me' to just throw these clothes out, and there are far too many to make rags. I hemmed and hawed, and in fact, I still have a huge box of clothes I'm not sure what to do with in the corner of my room, but google was my friend and provided an idea for recycling t-shirts into a dog toy. Perfect!

I picked out three shirts with stretchy material whose colours went reasonably well together.

To make it easier for myself to cut the shirts into strips, I folded them in half length ways and just cut them into approximately 2.5cm strips from the bottom. I kept cutting until there wasn't any more shirt left to cut.

Next I unfolded all the strips and cut them at one hem, so that they became long lengths (or, as long as the shirt was round anyway).

I divided them into two piles, where each pile had a fairly even distribution of the colours. Then, I twisted each pile together individually (say, clockwise). Tie the two piles together with a knot, then twist them (anticlockwise if you went clockwise for the individual piles) before knotting off the whole thing again.

Neaten up the ends a little and there you have it. About 10 minutes of effort gives, one recycled t-shirt dog toy!

How do you recycle clothes which are too horrible to sell or donate?

Sometimes life calls for muffins

Delicious home made, muffins. And who am I to thwart life when it calls for something?  

I was craving something hearty, but also healthy and delicious. I knew I wanted oats, and I was thinking about Anzac day and how I didn't make any biscuits this year so somehow in my mind, the two ideas combined and morphed into something new.  Muffins are also very forgiving when it comes to substitutions, so I knew I could get a little experimental with the ingredients.

I call these Vegan oatmeal muffins. Delicious warm, chewy oatmeal muffins. Not too sweet, and actually pretty healthy as there is no oil or actual sugar. Behold!

Ingredients

• 1 cup soy milk
• 1 tsp apple cider vinegar
• 1 tbsp corn flour
• 3 tbsp water
• 1 tbsp maple syrup
• 1/3 - 1/2 cup unsweetened apple puree
• 1 cup rolled oats
• 1 cup flour
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• pinch each of cinnamon and nutmeg
• 1/2 cup coconut
• 1/2 cup dark chocolate chips

Method

1. Heat the oven to 200. If you need to, grease or line your muffin tray, but as I have a silicon one, I skip this step.
2. Whisk together milk and vinegar in a bowl and set aside to curdle slightly. Whisk in the corn flour and water to the mix, then stir in the maple syrup and apple puree.
3. Add oats, flour, baking powder, baking soda and cinnamon, then stir until just combined. Don't worry too much if it's a little lumpy.
4. Fold in the coconut and choc chips. 
5. Fill each muffin cup about 2/3 full, then bake until a toothpick inserted in the centre comes out clean (about 20 minutes).  I got 12 muffins from this mix.

Verdict?

Yum! These were exactly what I felt like. Light and delicious with just a hint of sweetness from the maple syrup. I probably could have made them even healthier by using nuts and dried fruit instead of the coconut and choc chips, so I guess I'm going to have to make another batch to test this out.  I think walnuts and dried cranberries would be a good combination...

As they are vegan, they don't rise as much as non vegan ones will, and are very susceptible to becoming too rubbery if over-mixed, so just stir enough to combine.

I'll be adding these to the recipe file and making them again for sure. 

Do you have a favourite muffin variation? I'd love to hear about it!

Monday

Now that Miss E has started crawling properly, she's a menace around the home. She's like a little shadow in that if you move, she will follow you around the house. She's also at the stage where she likes to explore by eating everything. 

I've mentioned it before, but in case you didn't know, we also have two fur-babies:

Winter coated hounds

While they are the sort of dogs with hair (and not fur), so that they don't shed, they are allowed inside.  They think they own the house actually, which means they see it as their right to roll around where they please, track dirty paw prints all over the floor and chew their food anywhere except over the designated doggy eating area.  

We also have wooden floors.  Now I'm not much of a housekeeper but these floors are impossible to keep clean.  Something about the way the light reflects just shows up dust everywhere.  

When you take those elements: dusty wooden floors, indoor dogs who think they are human and a baby who eats everything, there really is no other option but to wear these slippers.

Yes, look at me, I'm a fashionista indeed! Don't judge, these babies pick up small pieces of dirt and debris like you wouldn't believe. And using cloth nappies, it's simple enough to wash them when I'm doing a load of other things too.  Comfortable and functional!

Do you have any guilty little fashion secrets lurking around that you feel like sharing?

Top tips for the working mum

Now that I'm back in the workforce again, I've realised that I can't just slip back into the position I used to have. Sure, legally I am doing just that, but in reality, it's not possible. I'm not the same person I was when I last held this job - I have added responsibilities now, and commitments which mean I can't spend the hours that I used to at work.

Here are my top tips for the working mum:

Be organised. I am not even kidding here. I am up feeding at 5am or earlier. I may have even had overnight awakenings. I then need to make sure her daycare bag is packed, my work day bag is packed, I have breakfast, my lunch is packed, I don't forget the breast pump and other related doodads, I look respectable in something without baby spew, my hair and makeup is done, eye bags are covered... well, you get the picture.  All of this needs to happen before I'm out the door at 7:15. I drop her at daycare, find a park, then get the bus in to work. Depending on where my client is located, I might drive but most often it's the bus. Getting out that door on time takes a lot of effort. I try to do a lot of the preparation the night before. I have lists on the refrigerator to help me remember what I need to do. This leads nicely into my next tip.

Don't be afraid to ask for help. That's right. You don't need to be super mum. You just need to be good-enough mum for the most part and spectacular mum when it matters (for me that's snuggling, story time and meals). When people offer help, take them up on the offer - they wouldn't ask if they didn't mean it. This goes for new mums too, a lesson that I learnt too late. When people come to visit the baby and ask if there is something they can do, say yes! They want to feel useful. Let them make tea, do the washing up, hold baby so you can shower and use the toilet. Going back to work, use the help you have available. I've delegated things to Mr Fork because he offered to help me (alright, I strongly hinted, then demanded he help). I've delegated things to colleagues when they offer assistance. They know I'd do the same for them when they need a hand. I've told daycare what they can do to help me and bless them, they do (of course, I'm paying them handsomely so maybe that doesn't count).

Know your rights. I had a heck of a time organising my return to work. I won't go into it because it's not relevant, but I will say, know what your rights are. You are entitled to have lactation breaks at work. You are entitled to specific amenities to do so. You are entitled to work the hours your contract says you should. Don't be put off by the sly looks when you walk out the door right on finish time because you need to do the day care pick up run. People don't necessarily know what work you do. You might sit on the bus answering emails. You might have started at sparrow fart in the am already. You might go home and work extra hours after baby is asleep. There is always more to the story than face value.

Sell yourself. That's right, you had a baby and that's a fabulous achievement but while you were at home raising a tiny human, the work world went on without you. Let the relevant people know you're back! Be active on social media if that's your thing. Reply to emails in a timely manner. Read relevant industry articles so you're across what's been happening in discussions. Be enthusiastic, especially about yourself. People will respond to that.

Not everyone wants to see photos of your child. Yes, you did a marvellous job and created a fabulous person. It's hard to leave that baby behind while you're at work. Of course you have an entire smart phone full of photos. And printed ones in your wallet. And home movies saved on your computer. Of course you're entitled to brag a little about your child. Once. Only if people ask. Some people just aren't into pretending to admire the fifteen different pictures you have from microscopically different angles. That's fine, I feel the same about car pictures. Don't be offended, just put a photo discreetly on your desk so you can look at your child and remember the whole reason you're back at work in the first place.

Don't let the non important things get in the way of the important. Really. Remember why you're working. You're working so that you keep your skills current. So that you have some adult conversation in your day. So that you're setting a positive example for your baby - they can see you're a strong independent woman with a life outside of the home. You're working to make a contribution financially to the household. But don't let work become the most important thing. Remember why you're at work and what your priorities are.

Be there 100%. Whether that is at home or at work. I remember reading some studies that said children didn't really remember how much time parents spent at work. What they did remember was the time that was spent with them. So, when I'm home, I make sure that 100% of my focus is on Miss E. I'm not checking emails while I'm playing with her - I'm letting myself enjoy the time that I have with my child. Similarly, when I'm at work, I try not to let myself get caught up in home tasks and thoughts, and I give myself 100% to the task I'm being paid to do. It's definitely hard, especially in this age of smart phones and push technology, but when you're home, would you rather be doing work or spending time with your baby?  Exactly.

Know when to say 'no'. I don't have to tell you what a hard job being a parent is. To add to that, you're back at work where people don't care that you're a parent, they just care that you get your job done. You don't want to let either side down, so know your limits. Yes, you want to get ahead and you want to promote yourself, but be realistic about what you can achieve. It's alright to say no sometimes.

Tell me, do you have any tips for the returning-to-work mum? Do you work with any mothers and wish you could give them advice? I'd love to hear it in the comments!

Wean Meister Freezer Pods

My philosophy when it comes to introducing foods is that 'food before one is just for fun'. So, as much as possible, when we feed Ellie food, we want it to be a fun experience. Ever since she turned six months old, at meal times, she sits in her high chair with us at the table, and gets samples of what we're eating.  We don't puree it, but make sure it's in finger sized portions so she can hold them and feed herself (obviously, anything spicy or not recommended for babies her age is off the menu). She can mash it over her face and gum it to her hearts content, as long as she participates in meals.  Really, her primary source of nutrition is still milk - we're just getting her used to the texture and taste of food at the moment.

Having said that, I also want her to swallow some of it, not just squeeze it into ever shrinking portions, so we do make food purees in various levels of 'chunkiness' for her too. In those cases, I feed her some of it, and then about half way through, she can steal the spoon from my hand and feed herself (although more often than not, it ends up all over her face anyway!). I like to make Ellie her food instead of buying pre-made stuff but I want to give her variety without having her eat the same thing for a week.  Here is where Wean Meister Freezer Pods from Biome come in.

These nifty little containers are perfect baby sized portions - each pod can hold up to 75ml, so, 9 x 75ml gives you 675ml from every frozen batch.

Features:

• Made of a flexible and durable silicon, the pod tray is safe for fridge, freezer, microwave, oven and dishwasher
• The pods are soft enough to pop out the food yet have extra support so they aren't floppy and liquid stays where it should when you're filling/carrying them
• The lid has an area for writing on to date/label the contents and is flat for easy stacking
• Great portion size - 75ml per pod
• Tray size: 20cm x 20cm x 5cm

Verdict:

I love these trays! Previously I'd been using normal ice cube trays to freeze purees but this had several faults: they weren't flexible so it was hard to get the food out, they weren't really big enough to store a decent portion size and they didn't have a lid so I was getting a lot of ice crystals on the food. I didn't have any of those issues with the Wean Meister pods.

Food comes out really easily because of the silicon, but the tray was reinforced enough that as I had no fear of spilling anything while carrying it to the freezer.  At first I was sceptical about writing on the circles to label food with a ballpoint pen, but I found that it was easy enough to rub off with my finger when done. There was no ink remaining on the plastic, but there was a small indent of the writing, no doubt from the pen itself. It was only noticeable in certain light and because I was looking for it.

I also used these to store my breast milk - which was great as I didn't have to use those plastic bags for it, and it's so much more environmentally friendly. The only criticism I have about that is that the pods are too big to fit directly into the brand of bottles that we use for Ellie, so I had to defrost them in another container and then decant it, but that's a minor issue.

Cleaning of the pod was easy. As it's a non porous surface, food didn't really stick to it at all, so it was quick and hygienic to clean.

I can see that they're going to continue to be useful long after the weaning phase too. I can use them for baking, for making jelly and ice blocks, a snack tray for Ellie and for random storage of odds and ends.

Do you have any tips for helping your baby learn to eat? What foods do your children love?

Disclaimer: I was provided with the Wean Meister Freezer Pods for consideration

First world problems

Today I thought I would share some of my 'hugely important to me but no-one else cares' issues, also known as my first world problems.

1. The could have, should have

Don't you hate it when hours after a conversation you're still thinking of all the things you could and should have said? I'm having a bit of back and forth discussion with work at the moment, and I'm constantly re-running things in my mind, thinking of all the points I could have raised and questions I should have asked. I'm stressed enough without dreaming about these things and giving myself insomnia. I have better things to think about. Like chocolate. Or shoes!

2. Parents with prams parking

Before I had a child, I wouldn't have dreamed of parking in the parents with prams spots. Now that I have Ellie, I truly appreciate that one of the things which makes shopping with a child much smoother are these parks. It's not easy to manoeuvre a baby in and out of the car while juggling a pram, nappy bag, car keys and handbag. It's even harder to navigate a car park with a baby in tow when you constantly have to be on the lookout for speeding hooligans who think it's funny to race along the aisles. So I definitely appreciate being able to have a park which is a little wider and closer to centre entrances.

That's why it really gets my dander up when I see non parents parking in these coveted pram spots. I kid you not, I have been patiently waiting with indicator on for one of them, only to have an inconsiderate non-parent swoop in and park there. I checked for a car seat and then you better believe I had a few choice words ready. Of course, with Ellie in the car with me, I was unable to use them all but I was boiling on the inside. Really, in the scheme of things it's a minor inconvenience, but it's nice to have the extra room and close proximity available to those who need it.

3. The wardrobe crisis

If you're one of those people who walk out of hospital post baby sporting your pre-pregnancy jeans, good for you. For the rest of us, I'm just going to put it out there that post pregnancy clothing is just as difficult to find as maternity clothing. For the past six months, I've been wearing a mixture of before and during maternity clothes (and loving it!) but with a return to work imminent, I've had to start thinking about what to wear. As I'm still breastfeeding Ellie, I'm going to need to pump, so that rules out all of my slinky corporate dresses, pretty much leaving me with button up, stretchy, or sneaky boob-holed tops as I don't plan on getting mostly naked at work to pump thank you very much.

Does this scream corporate or just scary boob flash top?

Before getting pregnant, I wouldn't have been seen dead in anything jersey, stretchy, or head to toe 'cheap store' clothing. However, it's pretty much my regular wardrobe these days - it's easy to feed in and I don't mind too much if I get the inevitable infant explosions on them. It's sobering to have to figure out how I'm going to tart up these outfits for work though. I'll be honest - at the moment I dress vicariously through Ellie who has an adorable array of clothing which she regrettably grows out of on a monthly basis. For myself, I have a new appreciation of Target, Kmart and Big W options. So I'm just going to throw it out there, would it kill the corporate fashion designers to consider the breastfeeding working mother and design something that isn't all jersey, doesn't double as maternity wear and shows a modicum of style?

4. Childcare germs
With Ellie having her first day of day care this week (I survived, barely, but she had a fabulous time!), I'm super frustrated by the selfishness of some parents who don't keep their obviously unwell children at home. I accept that with childcare comes some illness, and this was obvious when I was comparing centres, with many having signs at the doors warning of head lice, chicken pox or hand foot and mouth outbreaks. I accept that with many children in a shared facility, sharing of sickness is inevitable.

What I am not ok with are the obviously coughing, spluttering and sick children who should a) be at home and b) learn to cover their mouth. Ellie is still at the stage where she explores the world by eating everything (in fact, the other day I caught her gnawing on Mr Fork's shoe - OMG!) - and I am sure that the snotty, germ ridden shared toys at day care will not help. Best I resign myself now for her and I to catch everything and anything going around for the next few months I suppose.

Tell me, do you have any first world problems you want to share?